Let God fill the gap

Most of my posts on here deal with how I'm learning to see my relationship with God through my relationship with my kids. This one, however, stems from a conversation I had with a friend this evening.

This friend was talking about how she feels that she and her family are supposed to go on a missions trip. They are even feeling called to a specific country. Yet, they haven't made a commitment because of money. Now, the worldly, logical answer would be to save up until they could afford it. But, the Godly, sometimes crazy seeming answer would be to commit to going then let God take care of providing the money. I told her about when I felt called to going to Haiti last year, I didn't have the money. But I stepped out in faith and committed to go. When all was said and done over 3/4 of my trip was paid for by donations from others. I told her, "You can't base your decision on what you're willing to cover just in case God doesn't step in. That's limiting God."

As I drove home, I started thinking about this. I mean, really, how many times do I limit God's ability to work in my life? If I'm going to live out my Christian faith in it's purest form, shouldn't all my "major" decisions require God to fill a gap that I can't fill myself?

Sure, there are the financial decisions. Like when we bought our house. After much prayer we felt it was the right house for us. Did we have the money? No. But we felt this was where we were supposed to be. So we put in a bid - the same day someone else also turned in a big for a higher rate. Yet, the homeowner chose our bid - even though they could have made more money with the other offer. We saw God's hand at work.

But there are also emotional decisions. The easiest example is marriage. Marriage, no matter what the world tells you, is not 50/50. It's 100/100. Talk about a leap of faith to give all of yourself to another, fallible human being. Even after almost 13 years of marriage, I have to step out in faith that God will fill the gap when my husband doesn't give 100% of himself to me. Just like Keith has to step out in faith in regards to me. Neither of us is perfect. But God is. When we step out and say, "God, I know things aren't good with Keith/Naomi right now. But I will step out and give all of myself to them. I know they may not see it or respond favorably to it, but I know that you will fill that gap in my heart. You will fill that gap in our relationship. Your presence there will draw us closer to one another. And even if the other person never changes, your grace is sufficient for me."

Hard to do? You bet.

Worth it? Oh yes!

If all your decisions are based on what you can do or what you can handle, your faith will never grow. You are limiting God's work in your life. I have never been more amazed by God than when I've taken that step and felt His hand holding me up. Try it. He just might blow you mind!

Walking God's path, at his pace.

I love going on walks. To me it is a form of exercise that doesn't feel like exercise. It is relaxing. It gives me quiet time that I can't get in a chaotic house with small children. It gives me a chance to breath in fresh air and to hear the birds singing. But that all changes when I bring my kids along.

It's no longer a relaxing saunter. It becomes a frantic chase to keep up with one child while the other lags behind. I can't quite catch my breath because I'm spending all of it answering a multitude of questions from, "Why is that dog barking?" to, "Mom, do you think there is pizza in Heaven?" The birds are drowned out by the cries of, "Jaedon, wait for me at the corner. Don't cross the street!" and "Mommy my legs are tired, will you carry me?" But sometimes, we just walk silently hand in hand. I find these walks an odd mix of frustration and stress mingled with precious moments with my kids.

Part of our "assignment" from church this week is to spend time in solitude. I was actually able to do that this morning. My mind was mulling over a phrase that I feel God gave me a few days ago: "God's path, His pace." And then pictures started floating through my head, replaying walks I've had with my kids. And the phrase made sense.

When I walk with my heavenly Daddy, sometimes I get excited with what I see two blocks away. So I run to look at it. He hollers, "Wait for me at the corner, you're not ready to cross that street by yourself yet."

If I don't listen and run too far ahead, I miss the fact that I went straight and He turned the corner. Or what about the times that he keeps moving and I stop to investigate a single leaf in the gutter? "Naomi, come on. You need to keep up with me!"

Or how about when I cry, "Daddy, can you carry me? My legs are tired." Just like with my little girl, God's answer is one of two things. Either he sees I'm exhausted and physically unable to move forward, so he puts me on his shoulders and carries me. Or (and this is usually the answer to my Emma) He says, "No child. You're a big girl. You can walk to the rest of the way home."

But the absolute best times when I'm walking with God is when we walk hand in hand. I feel that is where I'm at right now. I feel the winds of change blowing and I want to run ahead to see what is coming. But I resist, because I don't want to get there unless my Daddy is right beside me.

Lean on Me

We used to have a dog that was a real leaner. He was a Great Dane... awesome dog. When he stood his shoulder was right at my hip level. He would always come up along side us and as soon as we started petting his head he would lean into us - all 120 pounds of him. If you weren't ready for it he would knock you over. It was a distinct trait about him. We'd have to warn guests that if they were going to pet him, to be prepared to hold up his weight. And sure enough, anyone who pet him and didn't heed our advice would get knocked over.

I've noticed my kids are leaners too. The other day in church we were all standing to sing. My kids stood on the chairs beside me so they could see - one kid on each side of me. The longer we sang, the more they leaned into me. It struck me at that moment that God tells us we can do the same.

We don't have to be going through a hard time to lean on him. Things don't have to be spiraling out of control before we lean into his embrace. You see, even when things couldn't be better God calls us to lean into him. It's a vulnerable place to be. If you lean fully into God, you're giving up control of where you're going. God is not some school yard bully that is going to move out of the way and watch us fall. But some people have trouble trusting that. These people never put all their weight into God. They hold back, just in case God moves and they're not ready for it. They don't trust him fully.

I think that is why sometimes God lets things get a little crazy in our lives. He wants us to feel what it's like to lean into him. Sadly, some of us don't start leaning until standing on our own has proven dangerous. Then and only then will we lean into God.

The thing is, my dog knocked me down a few times because sometimes I wasn't ready to hold him up. But you can never take God off guard. He's always braced, ready to hold you up.