And then there were three...

Well, we all thought Charlie would be the one to make it. He was the most active fish - always darting around the tank. But this morning when I checked the tank to see how the fish were doing, I only saw three fish - no Charlie. It took a couple of minutes of searching before I thought to check the floor. Yep, there he was.

So, here's what I think happened.

Charlie, (in his best surfer voice) "Hey, Dudes! What's up?"
Lisa & Goldie sigh, "Hi Charlie."
Charlie: "Wanna bet me that I can jump that wall."
Lisa & Goldie, "No Charlie."
Charlie: "Come on bet me! I bet I can!"
Lisa: "Whatever Charlie."
Charlie: "No, really I bet I can. Just watch." With that he darted to the opposite end of the tank and muttered to himself, "Come on, dude, you can do this! Then they'll see how awesome you are." He zoomed through the water and with an extra swish of his tail he went flying out of the water and over the wall - only to discover there was no water on the other side.
Lisa: "Lame"
Goldie: "Totally. That guy is such a show off. What do you think is on the other side of that wall anyway."
Lisa: "Who cares. Let's find some food."

And then there were four...

Well, I'm not really sure there is a Godly lesson here. Just a life experience.

Emma decided she wanted to go ahead and pay for a new fish tank. She didn't have enough money so she's having to work off the remainder of her balance. Since that left her no money to buy fish, Jaedon said he wanted to buy some for her. So, armed with his penny bank containing $1.95, we went to PetSmart on Saturday (yesterday) and bought some new 27 cent goldfish.

The kids picked out 6 new fish. We got that many because we figured at least one of them will survive and become the next Leena. Well, by this morning, one was already dead. Jaedon was more mad than sad. As we flushed "Bronco" down the toilet, Jaedon declared, "Well, that was a waste of my money."

That left us with five fish: Molly, Lisa, Charlie, Snow White, and Goldie. By dinner time, Molly was dead. So, now we're down to four.

And life goes on...

R.I.P Leena the Goldfish - died 6-19-11

Well, the goldfish finally died. It wasn't at all the way I expected her to go. But in true Leena the Goldfish form, she died teaching us a lesson.

Yesterday morning, after Emma had finished her breakfast I told her to go brush her teeth and get ready for church. "Okay!" came her normal response. About 5 minutes later I hear a loud crash coming from the kids' room and then Emma crying. I rush to see what happened only to find water coming from the bedroom into the hallway, Jaedon's dresser lying face down on the floor, and Emma surrounded by the rocks that should have been in the bottom of the fish tank. "Is she dead?" Emma cried as she pointed to her goldfish lying motionless on the floor.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no..." I chanted as I ran back to the kitchen to find a bowl to fill with water. As I reached to pick up the fish she started to flop around. It freaked me out. The kids just laughed. Finally I got her picked up and put into the bowl.

Then came the task of cleaning up five gallons of water off the hardwood floor. Thankfully I had the kids do a thorough cleaning only a day or two before so there were no books or toys on the floor. Just lots of water and a broken fish tank.

Forty minutes later it was finally clean. Unfortunately for Emma there were also some consequences. She has been told several times not to use the dresser drawers as steps because it could tip over the dresser. Well, that's exactly what she had done that caused the dresser to fall. Secondly, she has been using, "Oh, I'm sorry. I got distracted," as an excuse for why she isn't doing what she had been told to do. Had she been doing what I had told her, none of the drama would have occurred. So, she had to be punished for her disobedience.

Oh, did I mention it was her birthday yesterday? I hadn't even had a chance to say, "happy birthday," yet. So, sorry Emma, Happy birthday, now go see Dad and get your spanking. Yeah, that felt great, but it was necessary. Disobedience has consequences.

We came to an agreement of how Emma could pay for a new fish tank. After all, it was her fish, her accident, her responsibility to make it right. (And after all God has used that fish to teach me, I couldn't in good conscience let it live out the remainder of it's days in a mixing bowl). So, on our way home from seeing family that evening we stopped at Wal-Mart and picked out a new tank.

When we got home, Jaedon went to their room to check on Leena. "The fish is dead!" he yelled. Emma went running to her room, "Serious?" she asked. Sure enough, poor Leena was floating in the bowl. "How did she die, Mom?" Emma asked. "Well, I guess she was just without air for too long."

We gave Leena a proper burial - in the toilet - after we said a prayer. And I think Emma finally learned (the hard way) that disobedience has consequences. Sometimes life-long consequences.

...but... Emma got a bunny for her birthday. Who knows what lessons God will teach us through the newest member of the family.

Maybe even God thinks his kids are obnoxious sometimes

I spent most of my day feeling guilty for wishing my kids weren't in the house. This isn't the first time I've ever wished this. But it was the first time I felt this way in the wake of an unexpected death of a 9 year old member of my church. Every time my kids were "in the way" I couldn't help but think of the mom that wished her son could be in the way. When they wouldn't stop asking questions I thought of the dad who would never hear his son's voice again - this side of Heaven. When they fought, I thought of the little sister who no longer has a brother to fight with. Perspective. It changes so much.

But... I still struggled to not be irritated with my kids. Even knowing that they could be taken from me at any moment, I just couldn't make myself pleased that they were around.

Oh the emotional mind games of being a woman.

Then I felt God say, "It's okay, sometimes my kids drive me nuts too."

My son, Jaedon, is intelligent and determined. Both are traits that will do him well in the future - but today they were traits that were driving me up the wall. On the one hand, he was second guessing things I had told him. On the other hand he had all these ideas of things he wanted to do today. In order to do them, I would need to stop what I was doing to help him. He didn't seem to understand that I had things I HAD to get done today. It didn't matter to him, he just wanted me to do what he wanted (in my mind I'm hearing God say, "Yep, been there - had kids that have done that!)

Emma wanted to help with everything. Though I could have used an extra pair of hands - hers aren't experienced enough to help me clean house without just making a bigger mess. I wonder how many of God's kids have tried to "help" only to create an even bigger mess that God had to clean up. Even what she could handle (cleaning up her room) took her forever because she kept getting distracted. It's like God telling one of his kids to do something that he could do himself in five minutes, but it takes his child 5 years to do - because of distractions.

So for those reading this that think none of it applies to you, remember that by our faith in Christ we are called "Children of God". Scripture even says our faith makes us co-heirs with Christ. Romans 8:17 "Now if we are children, then we are heirs - co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."

If we are children of God, I guarantee that at some point in our walk, we have annoyed him just as much as our own kids annoy us. We don't like to think that God has that emotion, but if we - who are made in his image - have that emotion, why couldn't God? Annoyance doesn't diminish our love for our kids even a tiny bit. But we do find ourselves wishing this particular phase would be over with quickly so we could move on to more enjoyable times with our kids. Christ even showed exasperation with his disciples, but he never stopped loving them and nurturing them.

So, I guess for me, that means it's okay that I didn't want to be around my kids today. It's not something I need to feel guilty about because it doesn't mean that I wish my kids didn't exist. It just means that I needed some space from them. And there is nothing wrong with that.

I'm completely willing to look like an idiot...

So, this week at our church is VBS (vacation Bible School). It has been exhausting, but so rewarding.

My role in the whole production is the music lady. I'm pretty sure I have a more official title, but I can't remember what it is. Basically, for the first 15 minutes of the day, I get the kids excited for VBS. I introduce the verse of the day, and lead them in a couple of songs. Every morning we also have a short skit that relates to the lesson we're learning on that day. For the last 15 minutes of the day, I review what they've learned and lead them in a couple of other songs. In between all of this, I have 5 different sessions where I teach music to help the kids learn the actions for the songs.

I pretty much don't stop moving for 3 straight hours. If I'm dull and bored, the kids will be dull and bored. So, I get to act like a kid again - wild and slightly out of control. The thing is - the kids actually pay more attention the crazier I get.

As I've gotten more comfortable with my role, I've loosened up. And my dancing is evidence of this. I want the kids to not worry about what they look like, but to just have fun with the music. What better way, then if I act like an idiot - and don't care. A few of my older boys just sat looking bored during the first two days of music. Then God gave me an idea - we had a dance competition yesterday with our song of the day. They LOVED it. Suddenly, I wasn't the only crazy one in the room. They were getting down!

So, I've decided - it is totally worth it for me to look like an idiot if it can loosen the kids (heck - maybe even their parents) up enough to listen to the message.

Today, they heard the gospel message. As we were going over the lesson at the end of the day I had a very familiar sensation. When I taught in Haiti, I felt such a passion about what I was saying - that God loved them. Well, today the lesson was that God loves us-no matter what! (Think of Peter and the story of him denying Christ). As I was telling them that even though Peter let Jesus down, Jesus never stopped loving him. That same passion was coursing through me. I was almost in tears it affected me that much.

But since the crazy side of me was able to break down some barriers, I have full confidence that God used the passionate side he gave me to speak to his children. I am so thankful for my experience this week. And I hope for many more opportunities to be an idiot for my God. It's totally worth it!