I've talked about our goldfish once before (see "A Cloudy, stinky mess). I find it funny.... maybe ironic that God uses something I consider of little value to teach me valuable lessons.
So, a quick recap on this goldfish: we've had him/her/it/whatever for 3(?) years. It was purchased for a whopping 27 cents as a pet for our kids. It has grown from an inch to about 5 inches and has survived when all other fish (purchased at intervals over the past 3 years) have died. When we first got him/her/it/whatever our daughter, Emma, was only about three years old. She named it - and the other 2 goldfish we got at the time - Pony. Now that she's a little older she's changed it's name to Aleah - or Lena. She seems to change her mind weekly. :)
Well, a couple of months ago I thought it'd be a good idea to get a couple more goldfish. So, the kids and I went to the pet store and picked out three really fancy 27 cent fish. All was happy in goldfish land until the new fish started dying off one by one. Within three weeks the tank belonged solely to Aleah again.
Then, tragedy struck. Aleah became sick. I thought several times she was dead. She would sit at the bottom of the tank and not move - not even her gills. I couldn't see anything visably wrong with her. This went on for several days. I kept waiting for her to die. Honestly, I'm the only one who takes care of the fish and I'd gladly give up the responsibility. But then Emma said something that made me cringe.
"Momma," she said, "We should pray for God to make Aleah better."
My first thought was, "How am I going to explain to her why God didn't answer her prayer?"
So we prayed. Emma prayed a little, Jaedon prayed a little, then I added something like this, "God, please help Aleah get well. And, Lord, if you chose to take her to heaven please help us be okay with that."
Logical prayer. I expected a logical outcome - one dead fish.
What did I get? A lesson from God on how he wants me to have faith like a child. The next morning I went in to get the kids up and around fully expecting there to be a dead fish in their fish tank. What did I see? Aleah swimming around like nothing had ever been wrong. God healed our 27 cent fish!!! Why? Because my kids asked him to.
The point was driven home even more so because at the time I was dealing with some things that I thought weren't big enough to bring to God. My problems weren't important enough to bother the creator of the universe... or so I thought. But, wait a minute, if he answers the prayer of a 5 year old girl to heal her silly little fish, won't he answer my prayers too? Of course he will!
I wish I could say that I learned my lesson. But this was the second time I received a lesson from God on being able to come to him with anything. (The first lesson came about 3-4 years ago in the form of an egret). And here I am a month later, still struggling with feeling my problems aren't important enough to bring to God. When will I ever learn?
God, help me to trust you always. When I see my kids and how there is no hesitation to pray to you, I'm filled with a longing for their faith. How is it I can teach them to trust you when I have trouble trusting you myself? Help me to trust you Lord. Please. I can't do it on my own.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Looking back: Haiti -Day 9 - the Final Day - Jan. 7th 2010
Day 9
January 7th
Thursday
Wow! So here we are, the end of the trip. With all we did and all we went through it seems impossible that all of it took place in nine days. There really isn't a whole lot to tell about the last day. I didn't go to bed until around 1:00 am and I was up by 4:30am. But just like the day traveling to Haiti - I woke up wide (sort of) awake. Shelby & Amanda's boyfriends (Aaron & Caleb) who had been there since before Christmas were flying home to the States this day as well. Their flight was 2 hours before ours so that meant we all got to leave early. Thanks guys!!!
I had hoped to get some sleep on the road, but that's impossible on Haitian roads. So, I spent my time staring out the window at the scenery we didn't get to see on the way in (since it was night time then). Haiti really is beautiful if you can look past the poverty and trash. Once you get away from the city there is grass & trees. It is in a tropical climate after all.
I debated whether or not to tell this little bit of info. I haven't even told Keith about it. I'm still not sure what to make of it, whether it was a tired brain, or a thin veil that was pulled back for a moment. You know how as a kid you'd look at clouds to see what you could see in their shapes? As I stared out my car window that morning, it was overcast. These weren't fluffy white clouds, but grey & gloomy. Normally when you see shapes in clouds it's a bunny or dog or something. As I looked, I saw in the shadows of the clouds the stereotypical image of the devil's face - horns and all. I stared at it for several minutes and it didn't change. As I stared I prayed. I prayed for Haiti, for the Kids in Bor Kanal, for God to make himself known to the people of Haiti. I closed my eyes and prayed some more. When I opened them the image was gone and in its place was a cross. I'm still not sure if it was a tired mind that was making up things or if God was allowing me to see something else. I really don't know. But I do know I saw it. I know, I know, I'm just making the case stronger for me being a nut. I'm cool with that!
Normally, I would chalk the above situation to imagination. But, God revealed something to me in my journaling time that has caused me to wonder. I didn't have time to journal Wednesday night. We were too busy getting things packed and just enjoying our last moments in Haiti. So, on the plane ride from Haiti to Miami I wrote my journal entry for Wednesday. Often when I journaled, as I wrote things down God spoke in that moment. Here's what I wrote for Wednesday:
"I felt God's presence. I had an image in my mind that morning of angels lining the path from the cars to the church and surrounding the church. I don't know if it was of God, but it blessed me.
"As kids were being let inside, the group leaders gathered behind the podium and sang, 'We're standing on Holy Ground.' Oh my goodness! It just hit me! There's a line in that song, 'And I know that there are angels all around.' I think God just told me that He placed that vision in my mind. Praise Jesus! God spoke to me in a supernatural way!!! I can't wait to share this with someone!!!"
Did God speak in an audible voice? No. Did I hear him? Definitely. No doubt in my mind about that.
We were blessed on the trip home and didn't have trouble getting to our plane on time. We did have to run through the Dallas airport again to make our connection (they even had to hold the plane to get our checked baggage on). For the first time as I relate this experience to you, I'm fighting back tears. It was such a relief to be headed home to my family. I had been too busy to really think about missing them, but that never stopped my heart from aching for them. I know God called me to Haiti, I didn't know why until he told me that I was called to teach the kids in Bor Kanal. Now that my mission in Haiti was complete I was ready to claim my prize. I had run my race and I ran it with everything I had. I'm feeling that relief all over again as I finish telling my story.
But that's the kicker isn't it... this isn't the end of the story. Who knows how long I'll live. My earthly mission isn't complete until the day I die. God didn't give me life to have me teach 3 days in Haiti and do nothing else with my life. Here in the U.S., for now, my mission is my kids and my family. Some days it is hard to see it that way because it comes naturally - this is the job, the lifestyle I have chosen. But my kids are a gift from God. The next time you hear me gripping about them you have permission to remind me of that - sometimes we all need reminders of our missions.
I don't know what my mission assignment will be a few years from now. But it doesn't matter. My job is to focus on the here and now. Tomorrow has enough worries of its own without adding to it if I've heard God's calling on my life for the future - especially if I haven't been focused on what he's calling me to do now.
So what's your mission? You don't have to go to another country to have a mission. It could be a neighbor, a friend. Heck, yesterday in Dillon's there was an older gentleman behind me that didn't know how to use the self-checkout. Do I work at Dillon's? No. Did I help him anyway? Yep. (Did the Dillon's attendant even notice? - no). It doesn't matter if it's a big mission or even an important one. What matters is if you pay attention to what God is telling you to do and are OBEDIENT to it. You can't avoid the small assignments because you're waiting for your big one. Do you really think God is going to give you something big if you haven't proven yourself with the small things? Would you trust your teenage kid with the Porsche if he hasn't proven he can drive the Pinto? Didn't think so.
Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it! Thank you to all who have sent me encouragement to keep writing this. It has been hard, but totally worth it - just like going to Haiti! You may not realize it, but your encouragement also helped keep me accountable to God to write this daily. (Because there were a couple of days that I would have really liked that extra hour of sleep).
Well, I welcome any questions you have. There are plenty of stories I didn't tell, so feel free to ask. Thanks for sticking with me the past 9 days as I relived this journey.
God bless!
Naomi <><
Oh, I almost forgot. I've had a couple of people ask... if you want to pass any of this along to other people - feel free. Even if it's just to make fun of the crazy (hopefully effective) nut. :)
January 7th
Thursday
Wow! So here we are, the end of the trip. With all we did and all we went through it seems impossible that all of it took place in nine days. There really isn't a whole lot to tell about the last day. I didn't go to bed until around 1:00 am and I was up by 4:30am. But just like the day traveling to Haiti - I woke up wide (sort of) awake. Shelby & Amanda's boyfriends (Aaron & Caleb) who had been there since before Christmas were flying home to the States this day as well. Their flight was 2 hours before ours so that meant we all got to leave early. Thanks guys!!!
I had hoped to get some sleep on the road, but that's impossible on Haitian roads. So, I spent my time staring out the window at the scenery we didn't get to see on the way in (since it was night time then). Haiti really is beautiful if you can look past the poverty and trash. Once you get away from the city there is grass & trees. It is in a tropical climate after all.
I debated whether or not to tell this little bit of info. I haven't even told Keith about it. I'm still not sure what to make of it, whether it was a tired brain, or a thin veil that was pulled back for a moment. You know how as a kid you'd look at clouds to see what you could see in their shapes? As I stared out my car window that morning, it was overcast. These weren't fluffy white clouds, but grey & gloomy. Normally when you see shapes in clouds it's a bunny or dog or something. As I looked, I saw in the shadows of the clouds the stereotypical image of the devil's face - horns and all. I stared at it for several minutes and it didn't change. As I stared I prayed. I prayed for Haiti, for the Kids in Bor Kanal, for God to make himself known to the people of Haiti. I closed my eyes and prayed some more. When I opened them the image was gone and in its place was a cross. I'm still not sure if it was a tired mind that was making up things or if God was allowing me to see something else. I really don't know. But I do know I saw it. I know, I know, I'm just making the case stronger for me being a nut. I'm cool with that!
Normally, I would chalk the above situation to imagination. But, God revealed something to me in my journaling time that has caused me to wonder. I didn't have time to journal Wednesday night. We were too busy getting things packed and just enjoying our last moments in Haiti. So, on the plane ride from Haiti to Miami I wrote my journal entry for Wednesday. Often when I journaled, as I wrote things down God spoke in that moment. Here's what I wrote for Wednesday:
"I felt God's presence. I had an image in my mind that morning of angels lining the path from the cars to the church and surrounding the church. I don't know if it was of God, but it blessed me.
"As kids were being let inside, the group leaders gathered behind the podium and sang, 'We're standing on Holy Ground.' Oh my goodness! It just hit me! There's a line in that song, 'And I know that there are angels all around.' I think God just told me that He placed that vision in my mind. Praise Jesus! God spoke to me in a supernatural way!!! I can't wait to share this with someone!!!"
Did God speak in an audible voice? No. Did I hear him? Definitely. No doubt in my mind about that.
We were blessed on the trip home and didn't have trouble getting to our plane on time. We did have to run through the Dallas airport again to make our connection (they even had to hold the plane to get our checked baggage on). For the first time as I relate this experience to you, I'm fighting back tears. It was such a relief to be headed home to my family. I had been too busy to really think about missing them, but that never stopped my heart from aching for them. I know God called me to Haiti, I didn't know why until he told me that I was called to teach the kids in Bor Kanal. Now that my mission in Haiti was complete I was ready to claim my prize. I had run my race and I ran it with everything I had. I'm feeling that relief all over again as I finish telling my story.
But that's the kicker isn't it... this isn't the end of the story. Who knows how long I'll live. My earthly mission isn't complete until the day I die. God didn't give me life to have me teach 3 days in Haiti and do nothing else with my life. Here in the U.S., for now, my mission is my kids and my family. Some days it is hard to see it that way because it comes naturally - this is the job, the lifestyle I have chosen. But my kids are a gift from God. The next time you hear me gripping about them you have permission to remind me of that - sometimes we all need reminders of our missions.
I don't know what my mission assignment will be a few years from now. But it doesn't matter. My job is to focus on the here and now. Tomorrow has enough worries of its own without adding to it if I've heard God's calling on my life for the future - especially if I haven't been focused on what he's calling me to do now.
So what's your mission? You don't have to go to another country to have a mission. It could be a neighbor, a friend. Heck, yesterday in Dillon's there was an older gentleman behind me that didn't know how to use the self-checkout. Do I work at Dillon's? No. Did I help him anyway? Yep. (Did the Dillon's attendant even notice? - no). It doesn't matter if it's a big mission or even an important one. What matters is if you pay attention to what God is telling you to do and are OBEDIENT to it. You can't avoid the small assignments because you're waiting for your big one. Do you really think God is going to give you something big if you haven't proven yourself with the small things? Would you trust your teenage kid with the Porsche if he hasn't proven he can drive the Pinto? Didn't think so.
Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it! Thank you to all who have sent me encouragement to keep writing this. It has been hard, but totally worth it - just like going to Haiti! You may not realize it, but your encouragement also helped keep me accountable to God to write this daily. (Because there were a couple of days that I would have really liked that extra hour of sleep).
Well, I welcome any questions you have. There are plenty of stories I didn't tell, so feel free to ask. Thanks for sticking with me the past 9 days as I relived this journey.
God bless!
Naomi <><
Oh, I almost forgot. I've had a couple of people ask... if you want to pass any of this along to other people - feel free. Even if it's just to make fun of the crazy (hopefully effective) nut. :)
Looking back: Haiti -Day 8 - Jan. 6th 2010
January 6th
Wednesday
Every time I have sat down to write these e-mails the past week, it has not been with an eager heart. More like an obedient one. You see, once I started this, I knew I had to finish it. But each e-mail takes about an hour out of my day. That's an hour I could be reading a book or just chilling, or (on some days) going to bed at a decent time! What has really been cool about it though, is that even though I don't look forward to getting this stuff out, once I start typing, everything just flows. Even though it takes forever to do it, while in the process of typing it doesn't feel like it's really taking all that long. I love how God has been doing that for me. On top of the time commitment, some of it is exhausting to relive. As soon as I'm thinking about those days in great detail I'm transported mentally back to that time and place. Yesterdays e-mail wiped me out. ***weird side note - as I was writing about all the spiritual warfare last night my dog was FREAKING out! She wouldn't stop barking. I never heard anything, and I never saw anything. I didn't feel that same oppressive spirit, but I felt that stopping and praying was the right thing to do. So I did, then she calmed down and just napped on the floor by my feet. Hmmm...***
Okay, so here we are at the last day of VBS. The night before I was really struggling within myself to go back to Bor Kanal. I'm having trouble putting it into words. I think I was just tired emotionally and spiritually (physically I was fine). But God kept bringing verses to my mind that talked about perseverance and endurance. Then I remembered that before the trip, Pastor Tom told me that when in a situation like Haiti, you can't depend on your emotions to get you through, you have to depend on God's endurance. I was reminded of scripture that had stuck out at me on Sunday. It was James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." There are three scriptures that really stick out in my mind right now that really relate to the way I was feeling on that final day of VBS. In my mind I kept thinking that this was the race, today was the finish line and it was not the time to slow down, but to kick everything into gear and give everything I have. When I was still training in Taekwondo I had two favorite phrases that I would use to keep myself going when I was about out of steam. The first one was, "Suck it up!" I know, so encouraging right? But sometimes that’s just what you have to do - you suck it up - you don't think about the pain or the fact that you're out of breath - you dig in and don't let up. My other favorite phrase was "Leave it all on the floor." It's probably pretty self-explanatory, but it meant to put everything out there. You don't want to walk away from a testing or a competition with any energy left. You want to leave it all in the ring. Well, that's what I felt this day was for me. It was the day to suck it up and leave it all in Haiti. Mentally to me - this was a race.
Here are the verses that have a whole new significance for me.
2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."
Acts 20:24 "However, I consider my life nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."
As we prayed Tuesday night we decided as a group to try to get to the church about 15 minutes early so we could get in before the kids and have time to pray in the church. We also wanted to sing "We're standing on Holy ground" before the kids got in there. That's a song we sang during our praise time that just really seemed to be relevant to our situation. That morning as we were preparing to leave for Bor Kanal I had this image in my head of angels lining the pathway from the cars to the church and surrounding the church. It gave me such comfort.
Well, unfortunately we didn't have the truck so by the time we tied the benches to the roof of the car and somehow fit two Rubbermaid tubs and at least 20 people into two vehicles we arrived about 10 minutes late. Just like the days before, as soon as the kids saw us they swarmed the church. However, today, Grandma Elphni was in the church sweeping and kept the doors closed so no one could get in. It still looked like a mob on the outside of the church, trying to push to be at the front of the line to get in, but I couldn't stop smiling. I felt God's presence and his protection. I knew this would be a good day. Our group somehow made it to the front of the line and got inside and the bouncers were able to let in just a few kids at a time in an orderly fashion. As it was, Jan and I were stuck in the back of the crowd and couldn't get through, so we walked around to the back of the church and went in that way. Grandma Elphni was the one that let us in and she was so sweet. Again - it's that love thing - there is no language barrier.
As soon as our whole group was together we gathered at the front of the church and said a prayer than sang our song. I'm telling you, I felt so at peace. The day before was chaos, but this was the complete opposite. God was in control.
I told Jiffy that since the day before had been so hard, I just wanted to sing lots of praise songs before getting into the lesson. So that's what he did. It was wonderful! When it came time for the lesson, I didn't feel God's leading like I had the previous two days. Thankfully God had given me a heads up that things would be different today, otherwise I might have panicked. Before ever getting to the church I felt that God was telling me that He had said all He needed to say and that now it was my turn to speak. As I wrote in my journal:
"There were a couple of specific things I felt led to say, but the rest was almost like God was telling me, 'I spoke through you the last two days. I have given them the Truth, now it is your turn to do your part.' Maybe I felt that way because I can honestly say I have never led anyone to Christ. The Bible says that He calls people to Himself, but it also tells us it is our responsibility to witness to them and to make disciples. Make - an action word. God was saying it was time to fulfill my duty."
So, that's what I did. In a nutshell I told them that yesterdays lesson was really hard for me to teach and it may have been hard to hear and receive as well. I told them how I had heard people call me a liar while I spoke to them, but that the Bible says (and this was God's prompting) "Jesus is the way and the Truth and the life and no one can come to the Father, no one can get to Heaven without Faith in Jesus Christ." And guess what I heard outside the church walls? "Monte! Monte! Monte!" I told them that I felt I had said everything God wanted me to tell them and that it was now time to choose. Did they want to accept what I believe to be the Truth which is that Jesus loved us so much that he died for us and rose again on the third day conquering sin and death or did the want to believe Satan - who wants us to be miserable and angry, sick and hungry. I told them that if they wanted to accept Jesus into their lives that all they had to do was invite him in and I led them through the prayer of salvation.
As soon as I was done teaching Jiffy came up to me and asked, "Can I call those to the center that want to accept Jesus." I was like "OF COURSE!!!" I'm so grateful that he asked to do that, not that he needed my permission, but it did two things. First, and most important, it gave the kids a chance to have a more personal prayer time - more one on one - without a translation slowing down the process. Secondly, it allowed us to see that mighty work God had done. Jiffy asked if anyone wanted to accept Christ and IMMEDIATELY 6-7 kids ran to the center of the room to join him. He asked again and even more came. In all there were 25-30 kids. He asked them some questions - things like "Do you believe Jesus is the son of God," "Do you believe Jesus died for your sins?" "Do you believe that he rose on the third day?" And then he prayed with them. One of the happiest moments of my life!!!
When they were done praying, one girl asked a question. Jiffy turned to me and said, "She wants to know what to do since she doesn't have church clothes." Remember in Haiti - no church clothes equals no admittance to church. I was so happy to tell her to come back next week and Miss Jan would be there, that she could always come to Kids Club and learn about Jesus from Jan. Do you see how important Jan's presence is? Without a missionary willing to work with these kids, they would be like the seed that fell on rocky soil. Their new found faith would grow, but the roots wouldn't be strong and it would wither. Please continue to pray for Jan and these kids!!!
I was so giddy the rest of the day. I'm sure I was obnoxious! But who cares, it was for good reason. The rest of my day was spent packing and going to market to buy souvenirs. I had told Jan that I had no desire to ever go to market again, but she promised me we wouldn't be going to the same area. It was a much more pleasant experience than the first time. Plus, Donald, my security blanket, was there with us.
Something cool that I didn't know about until later that was just a blessing to me... Maegan told me that there was one boy in her group that was in tears when I was leading them through the prayer. He was one of the first ones to Jiffy (I think the boy in the white shirt and blue shorts in the attached pictures). Someone else said that they had kids crying too, and those were the ones that accepted Christ. It was encouraging because you wonder how many accepted Christ and really understood it. But to me, that was proof that it was a heartfelt decision on their part.
At the end of each day of our journal there is a place to write "Blessings you received today." For this day I wrote: "Feeling God say, "Well done good and faithful servant!" Nothing quite like knowing you pleased God. :)
***Bonus Story***
I had some people ask to hear the Egret Story, so I figured instead of sending out two mass e-mails, I'd attach it to this one.
It happened about 2 1/2 years ago. My son, Jaedon was 4 years old and driving me NUTS with questions. He would ask them ALL DAY LONG! It was summertime and I was bringing him home from swimming lessons. We drove by a community pond and there was a bird by the water.
"Mom," he asked, "what kind of bird is that?"
"What bird," I asked, already exhausted from the 10,000 questions he had asked that morning.
"That white one."
I glanced out the window. "I don't know."
"But mom, I really want to know what it is!"
"Jaedon, I'm sorry, but I don't know." Then for some reason, I think out of pure frustration and exhaustion I said, "Why don't you ask God? Maybe he'll tell you."
"Okay," he said. Then he started praying, "God, can you tell Momma what kind of bird that is because I really want to know," and this is how he ended - still does - all his prayers, "because that would be so nice, in Jesus name, Amen!"
IMMEDIATELY, and I mean immediately, the word egret came to mind. "Jaedon," I said, slightly bewildered, "I think that's an egret."
"Oh, okay. Thanks!"
And wouldn't' you know it! I got home, typed "egret" into a Google search and there was a picture of the bird we had seen. That was God's way of letting me know he was there - and he was listening! Ever since that day, when I see an egret my spirits are immediately lifted. It is a constant reminder to me that God knows me and knows what I'm going through. So that day in Haiti when I saw an egret on the way to the river, within a couple of hours of having endured heavy spiritual battle, I knew God was telling me he was still holding me tight. He was still, and always will be in control.
Wednesday
Every time I have sat down to write these e-mails the past week, it has not been with an eager heart. More like an obedient one. You see, once I started this, I knew I had to finish it. But each e-mail takes about an hour out of my day. That's an hour I could be reading a book or just chilling, or (on some days) going to bed at a decent time! What has really been cool about it though, is that even though I don't look forward to getting this stuff out, once I start typing, everything just flows. Even though it takes forever to do it, while in the process of typing it doesn't feel like it's really taking all that long. I love how God has been doing that for me. On top of the time commitment, some of it is exhausting to relive. As soon as I'm thinking about those days in great detail I'm transported mentally back to that time and place. Yesterdays e-mail wiped me out. ***weird side note - as I was writing about all the spiritual warfare last night my dog was FREAKING out! She wouldn't stop barking. I never heard anything, and I never saw anything. I didn't feel that same oppressive spirit, but I felt that stopping and praying was the right thing to do. So I did, then she calmed down and just napped on the floor by my feet. Hmmm...***
Okay, so here we are at the last day of VBS. The night before I was really struggling within myself to go back to Bor Kanal. I'm having trouble putting it into words. I think I was just tired emotionally and spiritually (physically I was fine). But God kept bringing verses to my mind that talked about perseverance and endurance. Then I remembered that before the trip, Pastor Tom told me that when in a situation like Haiti, you can't depend on your emotions to get you through, you have to depend on God's endurance. I was reminded of scripture that had stuck out at me on Sunday. It was James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." There are three scriptures that really stick out in my mind right now that really relate to the way I was feeling on that final day of VBS. In my mind I kept thinking that this was the race, today was the finish line and it was not the time to slow down, but to kick everything into gear and give everything I have. When I was still training in Taekwondo I had two favorite phrases that I would use to keep myself going when I was about out of steam. The first one was, "Suck it up!" I know, so encouraging right? But sometimes that’s just what you have to do - you suck it up - you don't think about the pain or the fact that you're out of breath - you dig in and don't let up. My other favorite phrase was "Leave it all on the floor." It's probably pretty self-explanatory, but it meant to put everything out there. You don't want to walk away from a testing or a competition with any energy left. You want to leave it all in the ring. Well, that's what I felt this day was for me. It was the day to suck it up and leave it all in Haiti. Mentally to me - this was a race.
Here are the verses that have a whole new significance for me.
2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."
Acts 20:24 "However, I consider my life nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."
As we prayed Tuesday night we decided as a group to try to get to the church about 15 minutes early so we could get in before the kids and have time to pray in the church. We also wanted to sing "We're standing on Holy ground" before the kids got in there. That's a song we sang during our praise time that just really seemed to be relevant to our situation. That morning as we were preparing to leave for Bor Kanal I had this image in my head of angels lining the pathway from the cars to the church and surrounding the church. It gave me such comfort.
Well, unfortunately we didn't have the truck so by the time we tied the benches to the roof of the car and somehow fit two Rubbermaid tubs and at least 20 people into two vehicles we arrived about 10 minutes late. Just like the days before, as soon as the kids saw us they swarmed the church. However, today, Grandma Elphni was in the church sweeping and kept the doors closed so no one could get in. It still looked like a mob on the outside of the church, trying to push to be at the front of the line to get in, but I couldn't stop smiling. I felt God's presence and his protection. I knew this would be a good day. Our group somehow made it to the front of the line and got inside and the bouncers were able to let in just a few kids at a time in an orderly fashion. As it was, Jan and I were stuck in the back of the crowd and couldn't get through, so we walked around to the back of the church and went in that way. Grandma Elphni was the one that let us in and she was so sweet. Again - it's that love thing - there is no language barrier.
As soon as our whole group was together we gathered at the front of the church and said a prayer than sang our song. I'm telling you, I felt so at peace. The day before was chaos, but this was the complete opposite. God was in control.
I told Jiffy that since the day before had been so hard, I just wanted to sing lots of praise songs before getting into the lesson. So that's what he did. It was wonderful! When it came time for the lesson, I didn't feel God's leading like I had the previous two days. Thankfully God had given me a heads up that things would be different today, otherwise I might have panicked. Before ever getting to the church I felt that God was telling me that He had said all He needed to say and that now it was my turn to speak. As I wrote in my journal:
"There were a couple of specific things I felt led to say, but the rest was almost like God was telling me, 'I spoke through you the last two days. I have given them the Truth, now it is your turn to do your part.' Maybe I felt that way because I can honestly say I have never led anyone to Christ. The Bible says that He calls people to Himself, but it also tells us it is our responsibility to witness to them and to make disciples. Make - an action word. God was saying it was time to fulfill my duty."
So, that's what I did. In a nutshell I told them that yesterdays lesson was really hard for me to teach and it may have been hard to hear and receive as well. I told them how I had heard people call me a liar while I spoke to them, but that the Bible says (and this was God's prompting) "Jesus is the way and the Truth and the life and no one can come to the Father, no one can get to Heaven without Faith in Jesus Christ." And guess what I heard outside the church walls? "Monte! Monte! Monte!" I told them that I felt I had said everything God wanted me to tell them and that it was now time to choose. Did they want to accept what I believe to be the Truth which is that Jesus loved us so much that he died for us and rose again on the third day conquering sin and death or did the want to believe Satan - who wants us to be miserable and angry, sick and hungry. I told them that if they wanted to accept Jesus into their lives that all they had to do was invite him in and I led them through the prayer of salvation.
As soon as I was done teaching Jiffy came up to me and asked, "Can I call those to the center that want to accept Jesus." I was like "OF COURSE!!!" I'm so grateful that he asked to do that, not that he needed my permission, but it did two things. First, and most important, it gave the kids a chance to have a more personal prayer time - more one on one - without a translation slowing down the process. Secondly, it allowed us to see that mighty work God had done. Jiffy asked if anyone wanted to accept Christ and IMMEDIATELY 6-7 kids ran to the center of the room to join him. He asked again and even more came. In all there were 25-30 kids. He asked them some questions - things like "Do you believe Jesus is the son of God," "Do you believe Jesus died for your sins?" "Do you believe that he rose on the third day?" And then he prayed with them. One of the happiest moments of my life!!!
When they were done praying, one girl asked a question. Jiffy turned to me and said, "She wants to know what to do since she doesn't have church clothes." Remember in Haiti - no church clothes equals no admittance to church. I was so happy to tell her to come back next week and Miss Jan would be there, that she could always come to Kids Club and learn about Jesus from Jan. Do you see how important Jan's presence is? Without a missionary willing to work with these kids, they would be like the seed that fell on rocky soil. Their new found faith would grow, but the roots wouldn't be strong and it would wither. Please continue to pray for Jan and these kids!!!
I was so giddy the rest of the day. I'm sure I was obnoxious! But who cares, it was for good reason. The rest of my day was spent packing and going to market to buy souvenirs. I had told Jan that I had no desire to ever go to market again, but she promised me we wouldn't be going to the same area. It was a much more pleasant experience than the first time. Plus, Donald, my security blanket, was there with us.
Something cool that I didn't know about until later that was just a blessing to me... Maegan told me that there was one boy in her group that was in tears when I was leading them through the prayer. He was one of the first ones to Jiffy (I think the boy in the white shirt and blue shorts in the attached pictures). Someone else said that they had kids crying too, and those were the ones that accepted Christ. It was encouraging because you wonder how many accepted Christ and really understood it. But to me, that was proof that it was a heartfelt decision on their part.
At the end of each day of our journal there is a place to write "Blessings you received today." For this day I wrote: "Feeling God say, "Well done good and faithful servant!" Nothing quite like knowing you pleased God. :)
***Bonus Story***
I had some people ask to hear the Egret Story, so I figured instead of sending out two mass e-mails, I'd attach it to this one.
It happened about 2 1/2 years ago. My son, Jaedon was 4 years old and driving me NUTS with questions. He would ask them ALL DAY LONG! It was summertime and I was bringing him home from swimming lessons. We drove by a community pond and there was a bird by the water.
"Mom," he asked, "what kind of bird is that?"
"What bird," I asked, already exhausted from the 10,000 questions he had asked that morning.
"That white one."
I glanced out the window. "I don't know."
"But mom, I really want to know what it is!"
"Jaedon, I'm sorry, but I don't know." Then for some reason, I think out of pure frustration and exhaustion I said, "Why don't you ask God? Maybe he'll tell you."
"Okay," he said. Then he started praying, "God, can you tell Momma what kind of bird that is because I really want to know," and this is how he ended - still does - all his prayers, "because that would be so nice, in Jesus name, Amen!"
IMMEDIATELY, and I mean immediately, the word egret came to mind. "Jaedon," I said, slightly bewildered, "I think that's an egret."
"Oh, okay. Thanks!"
And wouldn't' you know it! I got home, typed "egret" into a Google search and there was a picture of the bird we had seen. That was God's way of letting me know he was there - and he was listening! Ever since that day, when I see an egret my spirits are immediately lifted. It is a constant reminder to me that God knows me and knows what I'm going through. So that day in Haiti when I saw an egret on the way to the river, within a couple of hours of having endured heavy spiritual battle, I knew God was telling me he was still holding me tight. He was still, and always will be in control.
Looking back: Haiti -Day 7 - Jan. 5th 2010
January 5th
Tuesday
Whoever thought of taking journals on this trip was a genius. As I take the time to go back through my journal I'm remembering things that I had completely forgotten about. So, while you're getting to hear about the trip for the first time, I'm getting to relive the highs and lows and be blessed all over again.
This was our second VBS day. Remember the spiritual warfare I told you about that occurred on Sunday. I think God used that to prepare me for the even stronger warfare that was waged on this day. Every night we got together in our circle of Hope to share testimonies and just to sing praises and pray together as a group. Well, Monday night that just didn't happen. I don't know if it was because some of us were so overcome by the events of the day or if we were distracted by trying to get the craft for VBS organized or what. But it just didn't happen. Every morning we always prayed as a group. But, this day, for some reason, we had people going in all different directions and we didn't pray as a group. After reading my account, you tell me if you think it made a difference.
Donald (Jan's bodyguard & all around awesome helper) had Jan's truck that he was using to get Dan Warren to the new house (and get some supplies) so he could do construction while we did VBS. Another vehicle was used to get some of the other men over to the new house to help Dan. That left one vehicle to get the other 18 or so of us to Bor Kanal for VBS. We wanted to get there early so we could get the benches set up before letting the kids in. But, since we only had one vehicle, Ron dropped a few of us off then he and Shelby went back to the house to get the rest of the group. Okay, is that clear as mud?
On the way to the church, I led our small group in prayer. I don't remember many specifics about my prayer other than I prayed, "God you are the potter, I am the clay. Mold me into your vessel, hold me in your hand and guide me today." I truly learned the power of prayer on that trip. There were several instances where I saw very clear answers, and this was one of them.
Oh, yeah, and it was still a muddy, sludgy mess getting from the vehicles to the church. Anyway, that's not important. On this day, unlike the previous day, the door to the church was already open. So, as soon as the kids saw our car drive up they RAN to the church and started piling in. It was chaos. By the time our group made it through the crowd (which we basically had to shove ourselves through) there were already about 150+ kids in the church. I watched as our "bouncers" tried to block the door to keep a mob from coming in. It was insane! There were 3-4 kids trying to shove through the door at the same time and then moms would try to hand their babies through the doorway trying to get someone to take them. The babies were crying, the moms were yelling, some of the kids were fighting. I had to just walk away and let the guys handle it.
I stood behind the podium and just prayed. I prayed for peace, for calm, for a hedge of protection around the church and all who were in it. Right off the bat, we had to kick a few boys out because they were fighting over places to sit. Since we had such a huge influx of kids we also had to ask some of the oldest ones to leave (partly I think because they would have caused the most problems as far as starting a riot if we didn't have enough stuff), and we had to refuse the youngest - because they had no idea what was going on anyway. We ended up right around 200 again, maybe just a few more.
Jiffy started us with music again (the other half of our group wasn't even there yet). The day before it had been a pleasant sound, but this was just loud and rowdy. There were those that were still just having fun, but there was just a different atmosphere about the place. While we were singing the rest of our group arrived and Donald arrived with the benches. He told me he still had to go back and get Jan. My heart sank a little because I really wanted him there for security. He is the nicest guy, but his presence exudes a "don't you dare mess with me" vibe. No offense to the other guys - but I wanted muscle! So off he went. We sang a couple of more songs and then it was time for me to teach.
Ron had videotaped some of my teaching the first day, I'm not sure if he did the second day or not. If he did, I'd love to see it because I'm not really sure what I said! But if God spoke through me the first day, he did so even more powerfully the second. I long to be able to speak with a group of people again with the type of passion I was speaking on that day. God blessed me by using me to reach those kids. The first day we talked a lot about love and how because God loved us we wanted to come to Haiti and teach the kids that God loved them too. On the second day, God used me to tell them about Jesus and how he died for them because he loved them.
I need to pause to give some important cultural information. Voodoo also uses the cross as a religious symbol, but for a very different reason. In Christianity we celebrate Good Friday as the day Jesus died for our sins to create a doorway for us to gain salvation. He was the perfect sacrifice, blameless in all ways. They also celebrate good Friday - as the day Satan won. To them, Satan defeated Jesus by killing him on the cross. To them, Jesus never rose from the dead. They celebrate Good Friday with a festival called Rah Rah. The voodoo priests crack whips, essentially imitating the suffering Christ went through before the crucifixion. And the party goers laugh and cheer. The festival is full of all kinds of debauchery - drunkenness, lewdness, strippers, every vulgarity you can imagine.
This is my testimony of how I can prove God was speaking through me. I knew this going into VBS and I knew several of those listening outside the walls of the church were voodoo practitioners. Had it been me, I would have been too scared for my own safety to say anything about it. But God has nothing to fear. He used me to tell the kids (and any who would listen beyond those walls) that Satan did not win that day, that my Jesus defeated Satan. I told them that Satan had no power over me, that death had no power over me because I had been saved by the blood of Christ. I told them that Satan wants them to think Jesus is dead, but that I know that Jesus rose on the third day conquering Satan. I told them that if I died tomorrow, if I was murdered tomorrow that it didn't matter because I would be in Heaven with Jesus. I told them that my only hope was that someday they would come to know Jesus too, that they would accept him as their savior. It sounds like just words, but it was the most sincere thing I've ever said in my entire lifetime. As I looked at kids while I was talking several of them looked right back at me. In that look I could tell that they were getting it, that they had heard God through me. As I looked around at my other team members I saw tears in their eyes which brought tears to my own. God was talking to these kids in a very real way. Yes they saw me, but they heard God!!!
God, through me, gave the kids the plan of salvation. Using the promise bead bracelets we had brought I walked them through it. I told them that the yellow bead represented God and how much he loves us. I told them that the black stood for what our lives are like before we know God, it represents the dirt on our hearts and in our lives. I told them the red represented the blood of Christ that he shed for us because he loved us and by believing that Jesus is who he said he is and accepting him as our savior, we too can be saved from sin. I told them the white represents our hearts after the blood of Jesus has washed away all our sin - all the dirt in our lives. The green represents how I grow and know God more by obeying him and the blue represents that I have eternal life in Heaven through believing and accepting Jesus.
When I stopped teaching I told them that we were going to give each of them a bracelet and that I wanted them to really think about what the different colors meant. We started handing them out and it was like instantly the chaos hit. We had kids grabbing them and getting mad if they didn't get one right away. I felt this absolutely overwhelming oppression. It was like all the heaviness of Bor Kanal, all the darkness swarmed in on me all at once. The feelings I had from Bor Kanal that Sunday were intensified sevenfold. At that point I had been handing out bracelets too, I gave my last one away then went behind the podium at the front of the church and started crying. I couldn't control it. I was so overwhelmed. A couple of people came up and asked what was wrong and I told them, "I don't know!" Angie was one of them (love that lady) so she just put her hand on my shoulder and prayed. I collected myself long enough to tell the team that we would start handing out the crafts now.
We gave them each a paper plate with three holes punched in it and some crepe paper already glued to it. Then we gave them a baggie that had three bells and three pieces of pipe cleaner. They were making a tambourine. As I helped hand them out there was still some of the aggressiveness in some of the kids, though it was a little better. Then the oppression just hit me again. I felt like I was losing my mind. Here I had just poured out my heart and God's love to these kids and I just felt like my world was instantly falling apart. I had to go hide to cry again. I looked up from behind the podium and there was a boy there - about 10 years old - holding up his tambourine for me to see. He was smiling. I walked out to see him and show him how to make "music" with it all with tears still running down my face. He probably thought I was crazy. Stephanie came up and asked what was wrong, again I said, "I don't know! I just feel.... I don't know!" So she prayed then she said, "Look, they love it!" I looked around and they were smiling. They weren't fighting. Jiffy started leading them in song and they played those silly tambourines with joy. I smiled and said, "Well, if that isn't a joyful noise unto the Lord I don't know what is."
Afterward, when all the kids had been dismissed, we gathered as a group (Jan and Donald had gotten there right around the time they were playing the tambourines I think). Jan said that she didn't feel that God was punishing us for not meeting together in prayer, but that he was reminding us of the need to gather in prayer. You're telling me!!! So we prayed, right then and there.
Since we had not been able to give our gifts to our adoptive family the night before, Donald brought the gifts and took them to their house while we were at VBS. So, while everyone else cleaned up, he took Stephanie and I to the Elphni house. Some of the same people who had come over for dinner were there, which makes me wonder if they aren't family. I don't know. But we were able to give them our gifts, which after the heavy attack I just went through, and to an extent was still going through, was nice. I was able to give them the peppernuts I had made and explain that it was a family tradition for us to exchange them at Christmas time. They were very excited to receive the beans and rice we had purchased at the market the day before.
We gave them a huge Rubbermaid tub FULL of clothes for everyone in the family and another tub with shoes and toys. They were so thankful. I would have liked to have had more time with them, but I was still feeling a very heavy... presence... on me (I'm not sure if that's the right word - it's really hard to explain) and I just wanted to get out of Bor Kanal.
That afternoon we headed to the river - about a 45 minute drive away. Maegan, a girl in our group, had decided that she wanted to be baptized - so what better place than a river in Haiti! We took a bunch of hot dogs and water pouches with us. As in any area of Haiti, when the locals saw a group of white people congregating by the river they came to see what was going on. We started a fire and grilled the hot dogs and started handing them out. It was such a needed blessing for the whole group. After the heaviness of the morning and the aggressiveness of the VBS kids, it was just so nice to be around kids - and their parents - who were so happy. They didn't just grab the food from our hands, they took it graciously. Some of the ladies had put together a bunch of bags of clothes and toiletries that we were able to hand out. Again, they were so gracious! In Bor Kanal, this would've probably caused a riot! God knew we needed this and I am so grateful that he blessed us with our time by the river. He is so good.
That night we learned a new Creole word. Maegan wanted to teach people how to play the card game "B.S." but wanted to use a nicer word, so she asked one of the Haitian guys what the word was for liar. It's Monte. Someone piped up and said, "I've heard that word!" Huh, me too. There were several men yelling it at me while I was teaching this morning in VBS. At the time when I was teaching, I remember thinking that someone outside was mad about something. That night I realized that they were indeed yelling at me. They were yelling it during the part of the lesson where I was telling the kids that Satan didn't win, that Jesus did. Again - proof that it was God working through me. If this had been me, I would have turned tail and never gone back to Bor Kanal. I even remember thinking, "I really hope that part I said about me being murdered wasn't prophetic! Why on earth did those words come out of my mouth?"
In truth, I was so emotionally exhausted, that if we didn't go back to Bor Kanal, I think I would have been okay with that. I had just gone through battle, and the truth was, I really didn't want to go back, but I knew God was telling me to. Originally we were planning on showing the kids version of the Jesus film on the last day of VBS. We had all the equipment to be able to do so. I prayed about it all afternoon and I just never felt a peace about it. I talked to Jan, and she wasn't feeling that the time was right for the film either. At the time I thought, "Well crap! That means I have to teach again!" I really didn't want to. As amazing as it was to have been used by God, I did not want to teach. So, I did what any normal person would do and I prayed, "God if you want me to teach, I will." :) yeah, normal. But, I had decided that I would obey God, no matter what.
On the way home from the river I felt God working on me, getting me prepared for the next day, spiritually and mentally (yes I know I'm already mental - but you know what I mean!). All that night - through dinner and some games of cards, God was at work. I went to bed still praying about what to do the next day, but I knew God was still in control.
***side note - I saw an egret on the way to the river. For those of you who don't know my egret story - ask and I'll tell you in a separate e-mail***
Before bedtime that night we had an amazing and much needed time of praise and worship and prayer. I'm so glad our God is faithful!
Until tomorrow!
Naomi
Tuesday
Whoever thought of taking journals on this trip was a genius. As I take the time to go back through my journal I'm remembering things that I had completely forgotten about. So, while you're getting to hear about the trip for the first time, I'm getting to relive the highs and lows and be blessed all over again.
This was our second VBS day. Remember the spiritual warfare I told you about that occurred on Sunday. I think God used that to prepare me for the even stronger warfare that was waged on this day. Every night we got together in our circle of Hope to share testimonies and just to sing praises and pray together as a group. Well, Monday night that just didn't happen. I don't know if it was because some of us were so overcome by the events of the day or if we were distracted by trying to get the craft for VBS organized or what. But it just didn't happen. Every morning we always prayed as a group. But, this day, for some reason, we had people going in all different directions and we didn't pray as a group. After reading my account, you tell me if you think it made a difference.
Donald (Jan's bodyguard & all around awesome helper) had Jan's truck that he was using to get Dan Warren to the new house (and get some supplies) so he could do construction while we did VBS. Another vehicle was used to get some of the other men over to the new house to help Dan. That left one vehicle to get the other 18 or so of us to Bor Kanal for VBS. We wanted to get there early so we could get the benches set up before letting the kids in. But, since we only had one vehicle, Ron dropped a few of us off then he and Shelby went back to the house to get the rest of the group. Okay, is that clear as mud?
On the way to the church, I led our small group in prayer. I don't remember many specifics about my prayer other than I prayed, "God you are the potter, I am the clay. Mold me into your vessel, hold me in your hand and guide me today." I truly learned the power of prayer on that trip. There were several instances where I saw very clear answers, and this was one of them.
Oh, yeah, and it was still a muddy, sludgy mess getting from the vehicles to the church. Anyway, that's not important. On this day, unlike the previous day, the door to the church was already open. So, as soon as the kids saw our car drive up they RAN to the church and started piling in. It was chaos. By the time our group made it through the crowd (which we basically had to shove ourselves through) there were already about 150+ kids in the church. I watched as our "bouncers" tried to block the door to keep a mob from coming in. It was insane! There were 3-4 kids trying to shove through the door at the same time and then moms would try to hand their babies through the doorway trying to get someone to take them. The babies were crying, the moms were yelling, some of the kids were fighting. I had to just walk away and let the guys handle it.
I stood behind the podium and just prayed. I prayed for peace, for calm, for a hedge of protection around the church and all who were in it. Right off the bat, we had to kick a few boys out because they were fighting over places to sit. Since we had such a huge influx of kids we also had to ask some of the oldest ones to leave (partly I think because they would have caused the most problems as far as starting a riot if we didn't have enough stuff), and we had to refuse the youngest - because they had no idea what was going on anyway. We ended up right around 200 again, maybe just a few more.
Jiffy started us with music again (the other half of our group wasn't even there yet). The day before it had been a pleasant sound, but this was just loud and rowdy. There were those that were still just having fun, but there was just a different atmosphere about the place. While we were singing the rest of our group arrived and Donald arrived with the benches. He told me he still had to go back and get Jan. My heart sank a little because I really wanted him there for security. He is the nicest guy, but his presence exudes a "don't you dare mess with me" vibe. No offense to the other guys - but I wanted muscle! So off he went. We sang a couple of more songs and then it was time for me to teach.
Ron had videotaped some of my teaching the first day, I'm not sure if he did the second day or not. If he did, I'd love to see it because I'm not really sure what I said! But if God spoke through me the first day, he did so even more powerfully the second. I long to be able to speak with a group of people again with the type of passion I was speaking on that day. God blessed me by using me to reach those kids. The first day we talked a lot about love and how because God loved us we wanted to come to Haiti and teach the kids that God loved them too. On the second day, God used me to tell them about Jesus and how he died for them because he loved them.
I need to pause to give some important cultural information. Voodoo also uses the cross as a religious symbol, but for a very different reason. In Christianity we celebrate Good Friday as the day Jesus died for our sins to create a doorway for us to gain salvation. He was the perfect sacrifice, blameless in all ways. They also celebrate good Friday - as the day Satan won. To them, Satan defeated Jesus by killing him on the cross. To them, Jesus never rose from the dead. They celebrate Good Friday with a festival called Rah Rah. The voodoo priests crack whips, essentially imitating the suffering Christ went through before the crucifixion. And the party goers laugh and cheer. The festival is full of all kinds of debauchery - drunkenness, lewdness, strippers, every vulgarity you can imagine.
This is my testimony of how I can prove God was speaking through me. I knew this going into VBS and I knew several of those listening outside the walls of the church were voodoo practitioners. Had it been me, I would have been too scared for my own safety to say anything about it. But God has nothing to fear. He used me to tell the kids (and any who would listen beyond those walls) that Satan did not win that day, that my Jesus defeated Satan. I told them that Satan had no power over me, that death had no power over me because I had been saved by the blood of Christ. I told them that Satan wants them to think Jesus is dead, but that I know that Jesus rose on the third day conquering Satan. I told them that if I died tomorrow, if I was murdered tomorrow that it didn't matter because I would be in Heaven with Jesus. I told them that my only hope was that someday they would come to know Jesus too, that they would accept him as their savior. It sounds like just words, but it was the most sincere thing I've ever said in my entire lifetime. As I looked at kids while I was talking several of them looked right back at me. In that look I could tell that they were getting it, that they had heard God through me. As I looked around at my other team members I saw tears in their eyes which brought tears to my own. God was talking to these kids in a very real way. Yes they saw me, but they heard God!!!
God, through me, gave the kids the plan of salvation. Using the promise bead bracelets we had brought I walked them through it. I told them that the yellow bead represented God and how much he loves us. I told them that the black stood for what our lives are like before we know God, it represents the dirt on our hearts and in our lives. I told them the red represented the blood of Christ that he shed for us because he loved us and by believing that Jesus is who he said he is and accepting him as our savior, we too can be saved from sin. I told them the white represents our hearts after the blood of Jesus has washed away all our sin - all the dirt in our lives. The green represents how I grow and know God more by obeying him and the blue represents that I have eternal life in Heaven through believing and accepting Jesus.
When I stopped teaching I told them that we were going to give each of them a bracelet and that I wanted them to really think about what the different colors meant. We started handing them out and it was like instantly the chaos hit. We had kids grabbing them and getting mad if they didn't get one right away. I felt this absolutely overwhelming oppression. It was like all the heaviness of Bor Kanal, all the darkness swarmed in on me all at once. The feelings I had from Bor Kanal that Sunday were intensified sevenfold. At that point I had been handing out bracelets too, I gave my last one away then went behind the podium at the front of the church and started crying. I couldn't control it. I was so overwhelmed. A couple of people came up and asked what was wrong and I told them, "I don't know!" Angie was one of them (love that lady) so she just put her hand on my shoulder and prayed. I collected myself long enough to tell the team that we would start handing out the crafts now.
We gave them each a paper plate with three holes punched in it and some crepe paper already glued to it. Then we gave them a baggie that had three bells and three pieces of pipe cleaner. They were making a tambourine. As I helped hand them out there was still some of the aggressiveness in some of the kids, though it was a little better. Then the oppression just hit me again. I felt like I was losing my mind. Here I had just poured out my heart and God's love to these kids and I just felt like my world was instantly falling apart. I had to go hide to cry again. I looked up from behind the podium and there was a boy there - about 10 years old - holding up his tambourine for me to see. He was smiling. I walked out to see him and show him how to make "music" with it all with tears still running down my face. He probably thought I was crazy. Stephanie came up and asked what was wrong, again I said, "I don't know! I just feel.... I don't know!" So she prayed then she said, "Look, they love it!" I looked around and they were smiling. They weren't fighting. Jiffy started leading them in song and they played those silly tambourines with joy. I smiled and said, "Well, if that isn't a joyful noise unto the Lord I don't know what is."
Afterward, when all the kids had been dismissed, we gathered as a group (Jan and Donald had gotten there right around the time they were playing the tambourines I think). Jan said that she didn't feel that God was punishing us for not meeting together in prayer, but that he was reminding us of the need to gather in prayer. You're telling me!!! So we prayed, right then and there.
Since we had not been able to give our gifts to our adoptive family the night before, Donald brought the gifts and took them to their house while we were at VBS. So, while everyone else cleaned up, he took Stephanie and I to the Elphni house. Some of the same people who had come over for dinner were there, which makes me wonder if they aren't family. I don't know. But we were able to give them our gifts, which after the heavy attack I just went through, and to an extent was still going through, was nice. I was able to give them the peppernuts I had made and explain that it was a family tradition for us to exchange them at Christmas time. They were very excited to receive the beans and rice we had purchased at the market the day before.
We gave them a huge Rubbermaid tub FULL of clothes for everyone in the family and another tub with shoes and toys. They were so thankful. I would have liked to have had more time with them, but I was still feeling a very heavy... presence... on me (I'm not sure if that's the right word - it's really hard to explain) and I just wanted to get out of Bor Kanal.
That afternoon we headed to the river - about a 45 minute drive away. Maegan, a girl in our group, had decided that she wanted to be baptized - so what better place than a river in Haiti! We took a bunch of hot dogs and water pouches with us. As in any area of Haiti, when the locals saw a group of white people congregating by the river they came to see what was going on. We started a fire and grilled the hot dogs and started handing them out. It was such a needed blessing for the whole group. After the heaviness of the morning and the aggressiveness of the VBS kids, it was just so nice to be around kids - and their parents - who were so happy. They didn't just grab the food from our hands, they took it graciously. Some of the ladies had put together a bunch of bags of clothes and toiletries that we were able to hand out. Again, they were so gracious! In Bor Kanal, this would've probably caused a riot! God knew we needed this and I am so grateful that he blessed us with our time by the river. He is so good.
That night we learned a new Creole word. Maegan wanted to teach people how to play the card game "B.S." but wanted to use a nicer word, so she asked one of the Haitian guys what the word was for liar. It's Monte. Someone piped up and said, "I've heard that word!" Huh, me too. There were several men yelling it at me while I was teaching this morning in VBS. At the time when I was teaching, I remember thinking that someone outside was mad about something. That night I realized that they were indeed yelling at me. They were yelling it during the part of the lesson where I was telling the kids that Satan didn't win, that Jesus did. Again - proof that it was God working through me. If this had been me, I would have turned tail and never gone back to Bor Kanal. I even remember thinking, "I really hope that part I said about me being murdered wasn't prophetic! Why on earth did those words come out of my mouth?"
In truth, I was so emotionally exhausted, that if we didn't go back to Bor Kanal, I think I would have been okay with that. I had just gone through battle, and the truth was, I really didn't want to go back, but I knew God was telling me to. Originally we were planning on showing the kids version of the Jesus film on the last day of VBS. We had all the equipment to be able to do so. I prayed about it all afternoon and I just never felt a peace about it. I talked to Jan, and she wasn't feeling that the time was right for the film either. At the time I thought, "Well crap! That means I have to teach again!" I really didn't want to. As amazing as it was to have been used by God, I did not want to teach. So, I did what any normal person would do and I prayed, "God if you want me to teach, I will." :) yeah, normal. But, I had decided that I would obey God, no matter what.
On the way home from the river I felt God working on me, getting me prepared for the next day, spiritually and mentally (yes I know I'm already mental - but you know what I mean!). All that night - through dinner and some games of cards, God was at work. I went to bed still praying about what to do the next day, but I knew God was still in control.
***side note - I saw an egret on the way to the river. For those of you who don't know my egret story - ask and I'll tell you in a separate e-mail***
Before bedtime that night we had an amazing and much needed time of praise and worship and prayer. I'm so glad our God is faithful!
Until tomorrow!
Naomi
Looking back: Haiti -Day 6 - Jan. 4th 2010
January 4th
Monday
I could talk forever about this day. So much happened and it ran the gamut from absolutely amazing to downright painful. When I spoke at church the Sunday after we returned, I told the congregation that I had expected my emotions to go through a roller coaster, but that I hadn't expected them to ride the tilt-a-whirl, scrambler, bumper cars, & the zipper. It was intense.
The day started out with VBS. (I keep changing it from VBS to Kids Club, but I had the term VBS in my head for so long that it's still hard to switch to saying Kids Club. So, no matter what I say, know they are one in the same.) We got to the church about 10 minutes early. First of all, get the image of an American church out of your head. Churches in Haiti are often just one room. This one looked very much like the one I sent pictures of yesterday. Except it wasn't as big and it wasn't as open so it was kind of dark inside. We had to bring extra benches because people in Haiti don't sit on the ground. So, if we were going to let 200 kids in to VBS we had to make sure we had enough seats.
The hardest part at first of VBS was knowing we had to shut the door with kids still outside. We had craft supplies and snacks for 200 kids and that was it. We had to limit the number of kids we let in so there wouldn't be any fighting over the "stuff." One of the things Jan is working on with these kids is to say please and thank you and to not grab their gifts, but to accept them graciously. For the most part these kids did really well at this.
We started VBS with Jiffy leading songs. It was so cool to hear 200 kids sing "Jesus' Love is Bubbling Over" in Creole. We even taught them the wave. I'm not sure if they were laughing because they were having fun or just laughing at us being goofy. Either way, it was great. After songs I had them do a game. It was simple, but it still was a challenge to execute (after Monday I took the games out of the lesson plan. Missions work is all about being flexible). Anyway, the game was just passing a soccer ball to the person next to them and saying "Jesus loves you." Not sure how to spell it in creole, but phoenetically it's "Jeh-zee reme ooh." Now say it with a French accent and you'll be close.
Next, it was time for the lesson. Never in my life have I felt so sure that I was right where I was supposed to be doing exactly what I was supposed to do. Before we left for VBS I was praying over and over again, "God just let them hear you today. It may be my vocal chords, Lord, but let them hear your voice." God is AWESOME!!! He answered my prayer so clearly and powerfully. You know how when you have to stand up to give a speech you practice it before hand, and usually have note cards or something handy. Even when you're talking you're thinking of what you're going to say next. This was nothing like that. Words were out of my mouth before I even realized what I said. And I'm not talking about one of those "Oh crap!" moments where you wish you could take it back. I didn't write a single thing down before hand other than just journaling some thoughts. I didn't take a scrap of paper with me. Nothing I said was from memory and nothing was read from paper. It was ALL God! Do you get that??? Not a single word I said was my own. Every single thing that came out of my mouth was from him. Okay, for those of you reading this that aren't Christian, you probably think I'm crazy. Well, if I am, I want to be insane for the rest of my life and I pity those that will never experience what I was blessed to experience! For all the doubters that wonder how the Bible can be the word of God when it's written by human hands, I'm here to tell you first hand, I get it now! Just like God spoke through me to those kids, so he spoke to the authors of the books of the Bible. Those are God's words, just with their penmanship. I know I sound nuts. But I said it once, I'll say it again. I'd rather be an effective nut than and ineffective shell. This has got to be what the apostles felt like on that first day when they stood and spoke and saw thousands accept Christ as their savior. Personally, it's not even so much what God did through me as it is that he chose me. Did you hear that? God chose me! Me! Flawed, confused, screwed up me!
Okay, I'll stop with that now, but you get the idea. :) After the lesson (which lasted ten minutes or so) we handed out the craft. It was a puzzle that we were going to have them put together and then glue to a piece of paper. Good in theory, but I hadn't taken into account that many of these kids had never seen a puzzle let alone had a chance to work with one. (Keep in mind this was a 5 piece puzzle). At first they were confused so I had my helpers get down on the ground in front of their groups and show them what one looked like put together. As soon as the kids saw it they got excited and even sat down on the ground to work on them. Remember, Haitian kids don't like sitting on the ground! And when they got it they were so proud! They were grinning from ear to ear.
The last thing we did was hand out snacks. It was just a package of cheese sandwich crackers. Sadly, many of them didn't eat theirs. The reason being that they were expected to take it home to their family. We had fathers outside the church windows yelling at the kids to bring their crackers to them. And the kids did. It was frustrating, but there wasn't much we could do about it. When everyone had a chance to eat we dismissed them. I had several kids say, "Merci Nah-omi!" as they left. I had only said my name two times! And they remembered! And they thanked me! That is huge - they were thanking us without being reminded to do so!
We went back to Jan's for lunch and a recap of what worked and didn't work at VBS. I was just so pumped at how God had pulled things together (remember me bawling the night before because I didn't want to screw it up???). After lunch me, Angie, and her daughter Morgan went with Jan's daughter, Amanda, and two of the translators (Lucson & Woobens) to market. We were having my adoptive family over for dinner and Jan had hired a Haitian woman to cook them food. So, we picked her up then headed to market. For the most part market was okay, but we definitely stuck out. It had been raining off and on for the past couple of days so the street was really muddy. (streets aren't paved). Haitian dirt is weird. It doesn't soak in the moisture so the top two-three inches of dirt were a really slick mud and under that was dry ground. By the time we were done my shoes smelled like a cattle yard. I just kept telling myself what I was walking in was mud... it's just mud... really, it's just mud... nothing else in there... just mud.
There was one area of the market where as soon as I stepped foot there I knew I was not welcome. It felt kind of like Bor Kanal the day before. We were walking in single file - one man in the front and one in the back with the Haitian woman leading the way. At one point in this area a man stepped in front of Morgan (13 years old). We don't know what he said, but you could tell by his gesture what he meant. Amanda who was behind me stepped in front of Morgan and said something to the guy (she's fluent in Creole). He said something back, then she said something. The whole time she just motioned for us to keep walking. As we walked away I very clearly heard him say in English "$&%# You!" No translation needed there. Thankfully, God kept Angie from hearing any of that and she didn't even know about it until we got home. From that point on I felt very uncomfortable. There were people yelling things at the guys with us. I don't know what they said, but you could tell it was upsetting them. There were people laughing at us. Angie made the mistake of asking Lucson what they were saying. So he translated everything they said from there on out. :) They were saying we were fat, our feet were big and they were laughing that we didn't want to walk in the mud and then that we did walk in the mud. The only word I heard over and over again that I understood was "blanc" - pronounced blah. It means white. I think I got a very small glimpse of what African Americans must have felt like not too long ago.
So then at 4:00 some of us went with Jan to the women's Bible study held in Bor Kanal. This was only her 3rd week (as was Kids Club) to have study there so it is a very new ministry. The week before she had about 40 women. The day we were there she had about 80! They were rowdy. You could tell some of them were only there to see what free stuff the white missionary had brought. Jan opened her message with this, "I don't know if you're here today because you want to learn about God," some women nodded their heads, "or if you're here just to get the stuff I've brought," several women shouted AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! Jan didn't miss a beat, she just kept on going. "That's okay. Someday I hope you come here not just for the stuff, but because you want to know God." She continued to teach and those that were there just for the stuff continued to be rowdy and disrespectful, but there were also several that were really listening to what she said.
Jan had us split up and go around the room praying with the women individually. Many were receptive to it. Again, those that just wanted the stuff just laughed or were rude, but we prayed with them anyway. I came to one woman who very adamantly pointed at her belly and reached out took my hand it put it on her belly. I thought maybe she wanted me to pray for her baby or something. Lucson came over to translate for me. He said that she wanted me to pray that she would be able to conceive. I was taken aback. I've never been asked to pray like that before. Yes, I've been asked to pray for people, but not to actually put my hands on them and pray to heal them. I told Lucson, "Tell her I can't heal her. Make sure she knows only God can do that. I can't heal her!" So he translated then told me that she still wanted me to pray. Okay... what else was I going to do??? So I put my hand on her belly and prayed that God's will be done. That opened the floodgates of women wanting me to pray for healing. Whether it was a shoulder or a knee or whatever, I just had Lucson translate every time that I could not heal them, that only God could. Oh, how I'd love to know if they've seen any healing.
Once we were all done praying Jan handed out what we had brought for them - Creole New Testaments. I bet those that were there for the free stuff were ticked that all they got was a Bible! Ha! But God's word does not return void. ***side note. In Jan's last newsletter she related how out of a group of about 60 women at Bible study - 40 accepted Christ. I'm sure some of those were the same ones that were so rude that day we were there. Go to www.christophershopemisnitry.com to read the whole newsletter.***
The Elphni family lives right next to the church so we picked them up right after Bible study to come over for dinner. I had been looking forward to seeing them as this was my and Stephanie's adoptive family and we had a lot of clothes and food we had brought for them. They all piled in the back of Donald's truck and off we went to Jan's house. It wasn't until we got there that we realized the people in the truck were not the same people we had invited over for dinner. We had invited the mom & dad, Grandma & Grandpa, and the five kids. Grandma and three of the kids were there, but so were six other adults we didn't know. Apparently the baby (about a week old at that time) was sick so mom & dad stayed home with him and the grandfather had stomach surgery recently and wasn't doing well so he stayed home. Our best guess was that they invited neighbors to take their place. So what would you do? How would you feel if those you invited didn't come and strangers showed up in their place? Insulted? Angry? Irritated? All of the above? Yep, me too. I had really been looking forward to meeting my family. And after the events of the afternoon it was really hard not to take it personally.
Well of course we went ahead with dinner plans. I'm pretty sure God wouldn't have been too happy with us if we had kicked them out and said, "sorry, you weren't invited." I felt further insulted when they made sure to fill their plates to overflowing and take all the leftovers. There wasn't even a grain of rice in the pan when they were done and they each took a full plate home with them. It would have been one thing if we had offered them the left overs, but for them to just take it... well... what would you have felt? And then God convicted me. "You have much, child, then have little." And what's that verse, I'm surprised it didn't hit me at the time, "If someone strikes you on the cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic." Luke 6:29. Hmm...
The part that really upset me though was that Layfette didn't get to come. He was orphaned about 3-4 weeks before we got there. His aunt and uncle took him in. Stephanie and I had really been looking forward to getting to know him better. In fact, that morning at VBS he was in Stephanie's group and (via a translator) told her he was looking forward to tonight. Well, when we asked where he was we were told that he was still in the shower when it was time to go so they left without him. Remember, we were the ones giving them a ride. If we had known he was still in the shower we would have waited. But they never told us! We didn't find out until it was too late. Stephanie told one of the ladies to make sure that he got a plate of food and the gal just looked irritated that we would ask that.
Here's what I have written in my journal:
"We as a whole group were used. It was very insulting. But I also realize that greed is part of their culture. It still hurt. I'm not sure if that's the right word. Upset? Offended? There are too many emotions to pick one word to describe it all. I'm so sad for Layfette. I'm angry at their selfishness. But Lord, just like Jan said at Bible study - we are not going to change Bor Kanal with our anger. WE can only change Bor Kanal by our forgiveness. So father, I forgive them..."
Huh... Jan was teaching the women about forgiveness and not holding on to anger. But God was using Jan to prepare me for the forgiveness I would need to show to these people. God is so good! And I was able to forgive. The next day when I saw them, there was no anger there on my part. That's a God thing, because I couldn't have done that on my own.
Are you emotionally drained right now? I am just remembering this day, though I'm sure it's a bit different for me than it is for you. Hopefully you all don't think I'm too crazy by this point. Thankfully you all know me pretty well and have talked to me since I've returned so you know I'm not a total nutcase. Just crazy for my Jesus! :)
Naomi
Monday
I could talk forever about this day. So much happened and it ran the gamut from absolutely amazing to downright painful. When I spoke at church the Sunday after we returned, I told the congregation that I had expected my emotions to go through a roller coaster, but that I hadn't expected them to ride the tilt-a-whirl, scrambler, bumper cars, & the zipper. It was intense.
The day started out with VBS. (I keep changing it from VBS to Kids Club, but I had the term VBS in my head for so long that it's still hard to switch to saying Kids Club. So, no matter what I say, know they are one in the same.) We got to the church about 10 minutes early. First of all, get the image of an American church out of your head. Churches in Haiti are often just one room. This one looked very much like the one I sent pictures of yesterday. Except it wasn't as big and it wasn't as open so it was kind of dark inside. We had to bring extra benches because people in Haiti don't sit on the ground. So, if we were going to let 200 kids in to VBS we had to make sure we had enough seats.
The hardest part at first of VBS was knowing we had to shut the door with kids still outside. We had craft supplies and snacks for 200 kids and that was it. We had to limit the number of kids we let in so there wouldn't be any fighting over the "stuff." One of the things Jan is working on with these kids is to say please and thank you and to not grab their gifts, but to accept them graciously. For the most part these kids did really well at this.
We started VBS with Jiffy leading songs. It was so cool to hear 200 kids sing "Jesus' Love is Bubbling Over" in Creole. We even taught them the wave. I'm not sure if they were laughing because they were having fun or just laughing at us being goofy. Either way, it was great. After songs I had them do a game. It was simple, but it still was a challenge to execute (after Monday I took the games out of the lesson plan. Missions work is all about being flexible). Anyway, the game was just passing a soccer ball to the person next to them and saying "Jesus loves you." Not sure how to spell it in creole, but phoenetically it's "Jeh-zee reme ooh." Now say it with a French accent and you'll be close.
Next, it was time for the lesson. Never in my life have I felt so sure that I was right where I was supposed to be doing exactly what I was supposed to do. Before we left for VBS I was praying over and over again, "God just let them hear you today. It may be my vocal chords, Lord, but let them hear your voice." God is AWESOME!!! He answered my prayer so clearly and powerfully. You know how when you have to stand up to give a speech you practice it before hand, and usually have note cards or something handy. Even when you're talking you're thinking of what you're going to say next. This was nothing like that. Words were out of my mouth before I even realized what I said. And I'm not talking about one of those "Oh crap!" moments where you wish you could take it back. I didn't write a single thing down before hand other than just journaling some thoughts. I didn't take a scrap of paper with me. Nothing I said was from memory and nothing was read from paper. It was ALL God! Do you get that??? Not a single word I said was my own. Every single thing that came out of my mouth was from him. Okay, for those of you reading this that aren't Christian, you probably think I'm crazy. Well, if I am, I want to be insane for the rest of my life and I pity those that will never experience what I was blessed to experience! For all the doubters that wonder how the Bible can be the word of God when it's written by human hands, I'm here to tell you first hand, I get it now! Just like God spoke through me to those kids, so he spoke to the authors of the books of the Bible. Those are God's words, just with their penmanship. I know I sound nuts. But I said it once, I'll say it again. I'd rather be an effective nut than and ineffective shell. This has got to be what the apostles felt like on that first day when they stood and spoke and saw thousands accept Christ as their savior. Personally, it's not even so much what God did through me as it is that he chose me. Did you hear that? God chose me! Me! Flawed, confused, screwed up me!
Okay, I'll stop with that now, but you get the idea. :) After the lesson (which lasted ten minutes or so) we handed out the craft. It was a puzzle that we were going to have them put together and then glue to a piece of paper. Good in theory, but I hadn't taken into account that many of these kids had never seen a puzzle let alone had a chance to work with one. (Keep in mind this was a 5 piece puzzle). At first they were confused so I had my helpers get down on the ground in front of their groups and show them what one looked like put together. As soon as the kids saw it they got excited and even sat down on the ground to work on them. Remember, Haitian kids don't like sitting on the ground! And when they got it they were so proud! They were grinning from ear to ear.
The last thing we did was hand out snacks. It was just a package of cheese sandwich crackers. Sadly, many of them didn't eat theirs. The reason being that they were expected to take it home to their family. We had fathers outside the church windows yelling at the kids to bring their crackers to them. And the kids did. It was frustrating, but there wasn't much we could do about it. When everyone had a chance to eat we dismissed them. I had several kids say, "Merci Nah-omi!" as they left. I had only said my name two times! And they remembered! And they thanked me! That is huge - they were thanking us without being reminded to do so!
We went back to Jan's for lunch and a recap of what worked and didn't work at VBS. I was just so pumped at how God had pulled things together (remember me bawling the night before because I didn't want to screw it up???). After lunch me, Angie, and her daughter Morgan went with Jan's daughter, Amanda, and two of the translators (Lucson & Woobens) to market. We were having my adoptive family over for dinner and Jan had hired a Haitian woman to cook them food. So, we picked her up then headed to market. For the most part market was okay, but we definitely stuck out. It had been raining off and on for the past couple of days so the street was really muddy. (streets aren't paved). Haitian dirt is weird. It doesn't soak in the moisture so the top two-three inches of dirt were a really slick mud and under that was dry ground. By the time we were done my shoes smelled like a cattle yard. I just kept telling myself what I was walking in was mud... it's just mud... really, it's just mud... nothing else in there... just mud.
There was one area of the market where as soon as I stepped foot there I knew I was not welcome. It felt kind of like Bor Kanal the day before. We were walking in single file - one man in the front and one in the back with the Haitian woman leading the way. At one point in this area a man stepped in front of Morgan (13 years old). We don't know what he said, but you could tell by his gesture what he meant. Amanda who was behind me stepped in front of Morgan and said something to the guy (she's fluent in Creole). He said something back, then she said something. The whole time she just motioned for us to keep walking. As we walked away I very clearly heard him say in English "$&%# You!" No translation needed there. Thankfully, God kept Angie from hearing any of that and she didn't even know about it until we got home. From that point on I felt very uncomfortable. There were people yelling things at the guys with us. I don't know what they said, but you could tell it was upsetting them. There were people laughing at us. Angie made the mistake of asking Lucson what they were saying. So he translated everything they said from there on out. :) They were saying we were fat, our feet were big and they were laughing that we didn't want to walk in the mud and then that we did walk in the mud. The only word I heard over and over again that I understood was "blanc" - pronounced blah. It means white. I think I got a very small glimpse of what African Americans must have felt like not too long ago.
So then at 4:00 some of us went with Jan to the women's Bible study held in Bor Kanal. This was only her 3rd week (as was Kids Club) to have study there so it is a very new ministry. The week before she had about 40 women. The day we were there she had about 80! They were rowdy. You could tell some of them were only there to see what free stuff the white missionary had brought. Jan opened her message with this, "I don't know if you're here today because you want to learn about God," some women nodded their heads, "or if you're here just to get the stuff I've brought," several women shouted AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! Jan didn't miss a beat, she just kept on going. "That's okay. Someday I hope you come here not just for the stuff, but because you want to know God." She continued to teach and those that were there just for the stuff continued to be rowdy and disrespectful, but there were also several that were really listening to what she said.
Jan had us split up and go around the room praying with the women individually. Many were receptive to it. Again, those that just wanted the stuff just laughed or were rude, but we prayed with them anyway. I came to one woman who very adamantly pointed at her belly and reached out took my hand it put it on her belly. I thought maybe she wanted me to pray for her baby or something. Lucson came over to translate for me. He said that she wanted me to pray that she would be able to conceive. I was taken aback. I've never been asked to pray like that before. Yes, I've been asked to pray for people, but not to actually put my hands on them and pray to heal them. I told Lucson, "Tell her I can't heal her. Make sure she knows only God can do that. I can't heal her!" So he translated then told me that she still wanted me to pray. Okay... what else was I going to do??? So I put my hand on her belly and prayed that God's will be done. That opened the floodgates of women wanting me to pray for healing. Whether it was a shoulder or a knee or whatever, I just had Lucson translate every time that I could not heal them, that only God could. Oh, how I'd love to know if they've seen any healing.
Once we were all done praying Jan handed out what we had brought for them - Creole New Testaments. I bet those that were there for the free stuff were ticked that all they got was a Bible! Ha! But God's word does not return void. ***side note. In Jan's last newsletter she related how out of a group of about 60 women at Bible study - 40 accepted Christ. I'm sure some of those were the same ones that were so rude that day we were there. Go to www.christophershopemisnitry.com to read the whole newsletter.***
The Elphni family lives right next to the church so we picked them up right after Bible study to come over for dinner. I had been looking forward to seeing them as this was my and Stephanie's adoptive family and we had a lot of clothes and food we had brought for them. They all piled in the back of Donald's truck and off we went to Jan's house. It wasn't until we got there that we realized the people in the truck were not the same people we had invited over for dinner. We had invited the mom & dad, Grandma & Grandpa, and the five kids. Grandma and three of the kids were there, but so were six other adults we didn't know. Apparently the baby (about a week old at that time) was sick so mom & dad stayed home with him and the grandfather had stomach surgery recently and wasn't doing well so he stayed home. Our best guess was that they invited neighbors to take their place. So what would you do? How would you feel if those you invited didn't come and strangers showed up in their place? Insulted? Angry? Irritated? All of the above? Yep, me too. I had really been looking forward to meeting my family. And after the events of the afternoon it was really hard not to take it personally.
Well of course we went ahead with dinner plans. I'm pretty sure God wouldn't have been too happy with us if we had kicked them out and said, "sorry, you weren't invited." I felt further insulted when they made sure to fill their plates to overflowing and take all the leftovers. There wasn't even a grain of rice in the pan when they were done and they each took a full plate home with them. It would have been one thing if we had offered them the left overs, but for them to just take it... well... what would you have felt? And then God convicted me. "You have much, child, then have little." And what's that verse, I'm surprised it didn't hit me at the time, "If someone strikes you on the cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic." Luke 6:29. Hmm...
The part that really upset me though was that Layfette didn't get to come. He was orphaned about 3-4 weeks before we got there. His aunt and uncle took him in. Stephanie and I had really been looking forward to getting to know him better. In fact, that morning at VBS he was in Stephanie's group and (via a translator) told her he was looking forward to tonight. Well, when we asked where he was we were told that he was still in the shower when it was time to go so they left without him. Remember, we were the ones giving them a ride. If we had known he was still in the shower we would have waited. But they never told us! We didn't find out until it was too late. Stephanie told one of the ladies to make sure that he got a plate of food and the gal just looked irritated that we would ask that.
Here's what I have written in my journal:
"We as a whole group were used. It was very insulting. But I also realize that greed is part of their culture. It still hurt. I'm not sure if that's the right word. Upset? Offended? There are too many emotions to pick one word to describe it all. I'm so sad for Layfette. I'm angry at their selfishness. But Lord, just like Jan said at Bible study - we are not going to change Bor Kanal with our anger. WE can only change Bor Kanal by our forgiveness. So father, I forgive them..."
Huh... Jan was teaching the women about forgiveness and not holding on to anger. But God was using Jan to prepare me for the forgiveness I would need to show to these people. God is so good! And I was able to forgive. The next day when I saw them, there was no anger there on my part. That's a God thing, because I couldn't have done that on my own.
Are you emotionally drained right now? I am just remembering this day, though I'm sure it's a bit different for me than it is for you. Hopefully you all don't think I'm too crazy by this point. Thankfully you all know me pretty well and have talked to me since I've returned so you know I'm not a total nutcase. Just crazy for my Jesus! :)
Naomi
Looking back: Haiti -Day 5 - Jan. 3rd 2010
January 3rd
Sunday
I woke up so excited about the way God communicated to me the night before. For the first time in my life I felt that I truly heard God speak. I’m not talking about an audible voice, but I mean, it was clear that He had something He wanted to say and he used my journal/prayer time and scripture to do it. It was just like the Experiencing God study our women’s group had been doing before the trip. The study talked about how God uses the Holy Spirit to speak to us through the church, circumstances and scripture. If that doesn’t explain the connection God provided for me the night before I don’t know what does. After the disconnect I felt the morning before I felt 100% different. It was wonderful.
We attended Pastor Guanada’s (the Filipino pastor – I’m sure I spelled his name wrong) church. Let’s just say it’s not a Hope-style church. I’ve been able to wear jeans and t-shirts to church for so long that it felt weird to HAVE to wear a dress. The dress I brought to wear was sleeveless. Somehow I missed the memo that it needed sleeves – even in that heat! Luckily, my neighbor had given me a dress to give away in Haiti, and I hadn’t had a chance to do so yet, so I wore that one instead. Haitian church dress code is kind of like what American church dress code was 30+ years ago. The men are expected to wear nice shirts, slacks, and dress shoes and the women are to wear dresses. If you happen to be too poor to afford these kinds of clothes, you’re out of luck. A lot of times you will be barred from entering the church. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me – especially in such a poor nation, but that’s the way it is. That is one of the walls we were praying would fall in Haiti. Before you judge them though, think of what our culture was like a few decades ago. We may not have barred people from entering the church, but I’m sure many gave them the stink eye. But we are very blessed in America that that wall has been torn down.
After church we went back to the Pastor’s house to have some more of his wife’s wonderful cooking. We got back to Jan’s around 1:30 -2:00 and had free time until about 4:00. Knowing that Kids club would be the next morning I started pulling out the things we’d need for that day. It kind of naturally had fallen to me to make the plans for Kids Club (in the states we’d call it VBS, but that wasn’t a term these kids were familiar with). I had prayed and prayed and prayed about what the lessons should be and what crafts we should do. I felt really good about the crafts, but I never did feel comfortable with the lesson. It wasn’t that I thought we were teaching the wrong lessons, I just never felt comfortable with the way I had planned to do it. After much prayer and talking to others who have done VBS in other countries I felt that we were to teach about Jesus’ birth the first day, His death and resurrection the second, and then the third day we were going to show them the Jesus film. All this I felt good about. But on the first two days I had planned on doing a skit to tell the stories. But it just never felt right. However, Kids club was in less than 24 hours so I wasn’t quite sure what to do to change it.
Around 4:00 we went back to Bor Kanal to remind the kids about Kids club the next morning. Two days before when we had been there it was such an encouraging experience to see the smiling kids, and sometimes even their smiling parents. But this day was much different. We still saw lots of smiling kids, but the overall atmosphere was very intimidating, at least to several of us. Not every one felt it, but I sure did. I did not feel welcome there – even though we were still being greeted by crowds of kids – and my buddy Jeffly came running to meet me. I just felt very uncomfortable. The longer we were there the more I couldn’t wait to leave. This next statement may sound crazy to some of you, that’s okay; before this trip, I would have had the same reaction. This was the first time I truly felt spiritual warfare. I literally felt it. Not a physical attack like someone pushing on me, but just this very aggressive presence. There were several times as we walked along that a group of us would just stop and pray because the attacks felt so strong. It’s really hard to explain. When you think of a battlefield you think of the physical part of it. The pain, the cuts, the bruises, the shock of the ground moving. This was not like that. It was all internal. I’ll try to explain, but I’m not sure that I can. As Christians, we each have the Holy Spirit living within us. On a spiritual battlefield, the battles therefore are going to take place within the spirit – thus internally. I felt fear, insecurity, confusion, oppression, sadness. All of this starting as soon as we set foot in Bor Kanal. I wanted to run. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. But here is where Satan gets crafty. Instead of stopping someone and saying, “Hey, can you just pray with me for a minute?” I fell into the trap of saying, “Do you feel that too?” It’s subtle, but my being ignorant of how to handle this just allowed Satan to pull others into it. So those that felt something kind of stayed together and prayed as we walked. I’m not saying that others felt something just because I mentioned I felt something, but I do think it was a tool Satan used to try to make us ineffective. However, instead of just freaking out and spreading that fear, we banded together and gave it to God.
As we were leaving Bor Kanal I felt the oppression start to lift though not completely. As Jan and I walked we talked about Kids Club. I told her that I really wanted her and her family to take the reigns on teaching since they’d be there long term where as we’d be there just this week. She just looked at me and smiled and said, “No, I really don’t think that’s the way it’s supposed to go.” (or something along those lines). I told her that I really didn’t feel that I wanted to teach it, I didn’t want to be out front because I didn’t want the focus (my focus) to be on me, but on the kids seeing God through me. She told me that my heart was in the right place and I needed to pray about it and then let her know what her role would be. I love Jan. She has this smile that lets you know she already senses what God is planning, but she doesn’t force that plan upon you. She lets you (and God) figure it out for yourself.
When we got back to the car, someone asked me if I was ready for VBS and I just broke down crying. I couldn’t help it. They asked why and I just told them it was because I just wasn’t sure I had the plans right and I just didn’t want to screw this up. Stephanie told me that she knew I had been praying about this for at least a month as I was making the preparations and that God knew the plan. ***Side note: Ever since we got to Gonaives conversations and scriptures kept coming up regarding teaching. I kept telling people that I never wanted to be a teacher because of seeing first hand, through my mom, how hard teaching is. I wanted nothing to do with it. Looking back I see how God was preparing my mind for what he wanted me to do.*** Several of the people in the car prayed with and for me that I would know clearly what God wanted me to do in regards to the VBS lesson.
When we got back to the house I just spent some time by myself in prayer. After dinner I sat down with my original plans for VBS. Then I flipped the plans over and on the back side wrote the new plans I felt God leading me to pursue. Jan walked by and I told her, “Jan, I don’t think we’ll be doing a skit tomorrow after all.” “Really?” she said with that knowing smile of hers. “Yeah,” I replied, “God wants me to teach the kids how much he loves them. He doesn’t just love the rich white Americans, but he loves the Haitians too.” Before coming to Haiti I had secretly hoped that God would perform a miracle that would allow me to speak Creole without ever learning how – kind of like the disciples at Pentecost. But, as I prayed that night I felt God telling me that love doesn’t need a translator. Christ’s love has no language barrier – a smile, a hug, a touch, just simple interaction would show these kids that we love them, just as God loves them. So that was it. I would teach the next day. Not because I wanted to, but because I felt God told me to.
Here is some of what I have written in my journal from that night:
“Satan used every trick in his arsenal to try to divide us. He started with fear and insecurity, moved on to irritation with each other, the griping and complaining. On the one hand I’m ashamed that I let myself be played that way. On the other, I’m proud of how we were able to come back together as a group later in the evening. We spent 2 hours sharing how thankful we are and what we’re thankful for and praying for each other. It was much needed before we head back onto the field tomorrow. Not just at VBS, but also as Dan works on the house, some of us try to get more paint, some of us head to market & as we attend Women’s Bible study, and have the Elphni family (my adopted family) over for dinner. Satan will have many opportunities to try to divide and conquer us, but we have to stand firm and united in Christ.”
And we're officially half way through the trip. By this point I was exhausted and God kept bringing me to scriptures about endurance and perseverance. God is so good - all the time!
Naomi
Sunday
I woke up so excited about the way God communicated to me the night before. For the first time in my life I felt that I truly heard God speak. I’m not talking about an audible voice, but I mean, it was clear that He had something He wanted to say and he used my journal/prayer time and scripture to do it. It was just like the Experiencing God study our women’s group had been doing before the trip. The study talked about how God uses the Holy Spirit to speak to us through the church, circumstances and scripture. If that doesn’t explain the connection God provided for me the night before I don’t know what does. After the disconnect I felt the morning before I felt 100% different. It was wonderful.
We attended Pastor Guanada’s (the Filipino pastor – I’m sure I spelled his name wrong) church. Let’s just say it’s not a Hope-style church. I’ve been able to wear jeans and t-shirts to church for so long that it felt weird to HAVE to wear a dress. The dress I brought to wear was sleeveless. Somehow I missed the memo that it needed sleeves – even in that heat! Luckily, my neighbor had given me a dress to give away in Haiti, and I hadn’t had a chance to do so yet, so I wore that one instead. Haitian church dress code is kind of like what American church dress code was 30+ years ago. The men are expected to wear nice shirts, slacks, and dress shoes and the women are to wear dresses. If you happen to be too poor to afford these kinds of clothes, you’re out of luck. A lot of times you will be barred from entering the church. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me – especially in such a poor nation, but that’s the way it is. That is one of the walls we were praying would fall in Haiti. Before you judge them though, think of what our culture was like a few decades ago. We may not have barred people from entering the church, but I’m sure many gave them the stink eye. But we are very blessed in America that that wall has been torn down.
After church we went back to the Pastor’s house to have some more of his wife’s wonderful cooking. We got back to Jan’s around 1:30 -2:00 and had free time until about 4:00. Knowing that Kids club would be the next morning I started pulling out the things we’d need for that day. It kind of naturally had fallen to me to make the plans for Kids Club (in the states we’d call it VBS, but that wasn’t a term these kids were familiar with). I had prayed and prayed and prayed about what the lessons should be and what crafts we should do. I felt really good about the crafts, but I never did feel comfortable with the lesson. It wasn’t that I thought we were teaching the wrong lessons, I just never felt comfortable with the way I had planned to do it. After much prayer and talking to others who have done VBS in other countries I felt that we were to teach about Jesus’ birth the first day, His death and resurrection the second, and then the third day we were going to show them the Jesus film. All this I felt good about. But on the first two days I had planned on doing a skit to tell the stories. But it just never felt right. However, Kids club was in less than 24 hours so I wasn’t quite sure what to do to change it.
Around 4:00 we went back to Bor Kanal to remind the kids about Kids club the next morning. Two days before when we had been there it was such an encouraging experience to see the smiling kids, and sometimes even their smiling parents. But this day was much different. We still saw lots of smiling kids, but the overall atmosphere was very intimidating, at least to several of us. Not every one felt it, but I sure did. I did not feel welcome there – even though we were still being greeted by crowds of kids – and my buddy Jeffly came running to meet me. I just felt very uncomfortable. The longer we were there the more I couldn’t wait to leave. This next statement may sound crazy to some of you, that’s okay; before this trip, I would have had the same reaction. This was the first time I truly felt spiritual warfare. I literally felt it. Not a physical attack like someone pushing on me, but just this very aggressive presence. There were several times as we walked along that a group of us would just stop and pray because the attacks felt so strong. It’s really hard to explain. When you think of a battlefield you think of the physical part of it. The pain, the cuts, the bruises, the shock of the ground moving. This was not like that. It was all internal. I’ll try to explain, but I’m not sure that I can. As Christians, we each have the Holy Spirit living within us. On a spiritual battlefield, the battles therefore are going to take place within the spirit – thus internally. I felt fear, insecurity, confusion, oppression, sadness. All of this starting as soon as we set foot in Bor Kanal. I wanted to run. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. But here is where Satan gets crafty. Instead of stopping someone and saying, “Hey, can you just pray with me for a minute?” I fell into the trap of saying, “Do you feel that too?” It’s subtle, but my being ignorant of how to handle this just allowed Satan to pull others into it. So those that felt something kind of stayed together and prayed as we walked. I’m not saying that others felt something just because I mentioned I felt something, but I do think it was a tool Satan used to try to make us ineffective. However, instead of just freaking out and spreading that fear, we banded together and gave it to God.
As we were leaving Bor Kanal I felt the oppression start to lift though not completely. As Jan and I walked we talked about Kids Club. I told her that I really wanted her and her family to take the reigns on teaching since they’d be there long term where as we’d be there just this week. She just looked at me and smiled and said, “No, I really don’t think that’s the way it’s supposed to go.” (or something along those lines). I told her that I really didn’t feel that I wanted to teach it, I didn’t want to be out front because I didn’t want the focus (my focus) to be on me, but on the kids seeing God through me. She told me that my heart was in the right place and I needed to pray about it and then let her know what her role would be. I love Jan. She has this smile that lets you know she already senses what God is planning, but she doesn’t force that plan upon you. She lets you (and God) figure it out for yourself.
When we got back to the car, someone asked me if I was ready for VBS and I just broke down crying. I couldn’t help it. They asked why and I just told them it was because I just wasn’t sure I had the plans right and I just didn’t want to screw this up. Stephanie told me that she knew I had been praying about this for at least a month as I was making the preparations and that God knew the plan. ***Side note: Ever since we got to Gonaives conversations and scriptures kept coming up regarding teaching. I kept telling people that I never wanted to be a teacher because of seeing first hand, through my mom, how hard teaching is. I wanted nothing to do with it. Looking back I see how God was preparing my mind for what he wanted me to do.*** Several of the people in the car prayed with and for me that I would know clearly what God wanted me to do in regards to the VBS lesson.
When we got back to the house I just spent some time by myself in prayer. After dinner I sat down with my original plans for VBS. Then I flipped the plans over and on the back side wrote the new plans I felt God leading me to pursue. Jan walked by and I told her, “Jan, I don’t think we’ll be doing a skit tomorrow after all.” “Really?” she said with that knowing smile of hers. “Yeah,” I replied, “God wants me to teach the kids how much he loves them. He doesn’t just love the rich white Americans, but he loves the Haitians too.” Before coming to Haiti I had secretly hoped that God would perform a miracle that would allow me to speak Creole without ever learning how – kind of like the disciples at Pentecost. But, as I prayed that night I felt God telling me that love doesn’t need a translator. Christ’s love has no language barrier – a smile, a hug, a touch, just simple interaction would show these kids that we love them, just as God loves them. So that was it. I would teach the next day. Not because I wanted to, but because I felt God told me to.
Here is some of what I have written in my journal from that night:
“Satan used every trick in his arsenal to try to divide us. He started with fear and insecurity, moved on to irritation with each other, the griping and complaining. On the one hand I’m ashamed that I let myself be played that way. On the other, I’m proud of how we were able to come back together as a group later in the evening. We spent 2 hours sharing how thankful we are and what we’re thankful for and praying for each other. It was much needed before we head back onto the field tomorrow. Not just at VBS, but also as Dan works on the house, some of us try to get more paint, some of us head to market & as we attend Women’s Bible study, and have the Elphni family (my adopted family) over for dinner. Satan will have many opportunities to try to divide and conquer us, but we have to stand firm and united in Christ.”
And we're officially half way through the trip. By this point I was exhausted and God kept bringing me to scriptures about endurance and perseverance. God is so good - all the time!
Naomi
Looking back: Haiti -Day 4 - Jan. 2nd 2010
January 2nd
Saturday
I'm giving you fair warning that this may be a long one. Now stop your moaning! There was just a lot that happened on this day, so it may take me a while to get it all down on paper - e-mail - whatever!
We woke up early (5:30) so we could go climb the mountain before it got too hot. It was a short hike, but steep. My legs were pretty tired by the time we got to the top. We had some devotional time together and then we broke off on our own to have some quiet time. We weren't the only ones on the mountain though. This is a common place for people to go and pray. While there we heard several people just crying out to God. There is someone up there pretty much 24/7 praying for God to come to Haiti. On the climb up we passed a woman singing hymns. I didn't understand the words, but I knew the tune. And of course now that I'm trying to write about it I can't remember the name of the hymn! But I do know it was one I sang in church a lot as a kid.
Here is what I wrote in my journal that afternoon:
"I was, and still am, struggling to feel connected to God today. When we sat on the mountain to pray, I couldn't think of anything. There were no praises, no requests - nothing. It made me feel guilty that I couldn't think of anything to pray about. There I was, on the mountain with beautiful scenery all around and the poverty of Gonaives, Bor Kanal, & Jubilee below and I couldn't think of a thing to say to God. Is that normal? Did I miss something with God today? Is this the depression that Jan warned us Satan would use against us? I didn't really feel depressed though, just guilty that I felt nothing.
"...I ended up praying in a group and I read aloud Colossians 3:5-17. That is what is going on in Haiti! Even the Christians have trouble letting go of Voodoo. They are still trapped by their old life when they should be throwing it off & putting on the new. Then we started praying that the doors of the churches in Haiti would be opened to all people & I couldn't stop crying. How can I go from feeling nothing one minute to crying the next?"
It's hard to explain what I was feeling. It wasn't that I was distant from God, I just didn't feel connected to Him. Kind of like a good friend that you don't see for days or weeks at a time. When you get together it's like you haven't missed a beat - but you've missed out on sharing those days and the experiences together. I guess that's kind of what I was feeling - though that doesn't quite capture it either.
We got back to Jan's around 9:30 and had some breakfast. Then it was off to the new house to paint - finally! Only... they gave Jan the wrong color (she asked for 6 cans of white - she got 2 and the other 4 were a yellow color). Since we were painting the ceiling we just used what white we had to get as far as we could and she ended up using the yellow in the bathroom. I've never painted with oil-based paint. Wow! Those are some strong fumes!!! We were laughing at some of the stupidest stuff while painting and I'm pretty sure the fumes had something to do with that. We ate lunch and then headed to Roboto (another slum of Goniaves) around 1:00.
The reason we went to Roboto was to help out at a feeding center. Jan isn't the only missionary in Gonaives. There is also a Pastor and his wife who run this particular feeding center every day. (They are from the Philippines). Jubilee looks a lot like Bor Kanal - only worse. The houses are about the same but there is just a lot more trash. I wondered if that was because some of the trash of Bor Kanal had been washed away by the hurricane in '08, but that's just a guess. We got to the feeding center which really was just a tin shack. It was rectangular and lined on the long sides with benches. On the far end of the shack was a table where they were preparing the food - rice with vegetables & broth. There were at least 60-70 kids there.
While they were waiting for food, one of the helpers was leading them in song. Our group stood in a line in the middle of the shack. As I stood, waiting to start passing out food I noticed a little girl (no more than 3 or 4 years old) in a red dress who was standing between another boys legs and was fast asleep. I remember thinking, "How can she sleep through all this noise?" because it was really loud in there. I hoped that they would at least try to wake her up to eat. A lot of the kids that come to the feeding center only get to eat at the feeding center. So, if she didn't eat there, she had no guarantee of another meal until the next day.
We started passing plates of food down our line to the kids. As I passed food, I noticed Anna sitting on the floor with this little girl trying to wake her up and get food in her mouth. The few times she got food in her mouth the little girl didn't respond. She just didn't have enough energy to even open her mouth. I told the person next to me, "I wonder how much of that is because she's tired and how much is because she's malnourished." A few minutes later I saw Anna sitting on one of the benches with this little girl on her lap trying to wake her up. Nothing. She was limp. But there were still other hungry kids so I kept passing food down the line. Then I saw one of the ladies who helped prepare the food go over and try to find a pulse on this little girl. I thought, "I'm watching this child die!" But there were still hungry kids, so I kept passing out food. Someone got a water bottle and Anna tried to get the girl to open her mouth to drink, and I kept passing out food. Other people were noticing now and watching to see what would happen or if they could help and I kept passing out food. As Anna continued trying to get water in her mouth I passed out food, but the people in line beside me were occupied with Anna and the little girl and had kind of gathered around. I just remember saying, "Guys, come on. There are still hungry kids!" I was trying to hold it together and the only thing I could do to do that was to help those that were still capable of eating.
Finally the little girl was roused enough to take a drink. As soon as she got that first drink she started chugging the water down like she hadn't had any in days. Then she realized some strange white women was holding her and she started to cry. One of the Haitian women who helped run the center took her and Anna left. I think she had had all she could handle. And I kept passing out food. And somehow I kept from crying.
Here's what I wrote in my journal that afternoon: "How do I process this? Why was I shown this? I don't believe it was an accident."
After leaving the feeding center Dan Burns drove us through Roboto. There was trash everywhere. They had a landfill of sorts - really it was just piles of trash. As we were driving by, there was a lady just squatting right between the piles doing her business. That kind of summed up what I felt like at the moment.
We headed back to Jan's house to do some more painting. I think everyone was kind of in their own little world trying to process what they had seen in Roboto (not everyone saw the little girl - but there was enough to sort through without that). I heard 2-3 people mention that they thought we hadn't been praying like we should. It made me wonder if that was why we were having so much frustration getting the right paint and with miscalculations in money, etc.
That night we had dinner at the Filipino missionaries house. His wife is a wonderful cook. It was hard to eat such good food - and as much as we wanted - without thinking of that little girl. We heard their story about what brought them to Haiti. They've been in Haiti about 15 years. During that time they have survived 2 hurricanes. During the first one, his wife was nine months pregnant and ended up delivering the baby that very night - after climbing over a ladder suspended between buildings to get to higher ground. They named the baby Divine Grace, or DG for short. She's a very sweet little girl.
Every night we had what Jan called Circle of Hope. It was a time to share testimonies and just encourage each other and talk about what we had seen. Usually I'm the first person to speak up in situations like this, but I just hadn't felt like talking the past three nights. Yeah, I know, by the length of my e-mails that's hard to believe that I wasn't dominating the discussions. But that night, I told the group how I was struggling to feel connected to God and that I was sensing that maybe it was because I hadn't been reading my Bible on a daily basis. I also talked about how I was starting to see things as spiritual warfare that I would normally just attribute to human nature or emotions. I talked to Ron about this a bit later, but I told them how I had never been one to really believe it when people would say they were under "spiritual attack" but that I was starting to understand that those types of attacks really do happen. It's not just something that happened during Bible times, it's still happening - Satan is just more covert with us. But, for some reason, in Haiti it was clear that all the little things that were hindering our work (money issues, lumber issues, paint issues) were all things that Satan was throwing at us to try to keep us from doing God's work. I'm not saying every little thing was from him, but I am no longer naive enough to say that he has no part in it.
As I journaled that evening, God led me to a very important truth. Here's my journal entry:
"I think this disconnect has been because I haven't been spending time in the Word. Before the trip I was reading the Bible daily for an hour or more sometimes Since being here, I'm not sure I've opened my Bible. So here I am, on this Godly trip, doing Godly things, but not spending time with God's word!
Thank you Jesus! It just hit me! Matt 4:4 'Jesus answered, "For it is written, Man does not live on bread alone, but on every WORD that comes from the mouth of God."' Then John 1:1 "In the beginning was the WORD and the WORD was with God and the WORD was God." It took a little girl almost dying for that head knowledge to become heart knowledge."
God essentially had just told me that I was spiritually starving myself and I needed to STOP IT! I heard you Lord, loud and clear. If there is such a thing as a spiritual spanking on our blessed spiritual behinds - God gave me one at that moment.
Until tomorrow!
Naomi
Saturday
I'm giving you fair warning that this may be a long one. Now stop your moaning! There was just a lot that happened on this day, so it may take me a while to get it all down on paper - e-mail - whatever!
We woke up early (5:30) so we could go climb the mountain before it got too hot. It was a short hike, but steep. My legs were pretty tired by the time we got to the top. We had some devotional time together and then we broke off on our own to have some quiet time. We weren't the only ones on the mountain though. This is a common place for people to go and pray. While there we heard several people just crying out to God. There is someone up there pretty much 24/7 praying for God to come to Haiti. On the climb up we passed a woman singing hymns. I didn't understand the words, but I knew the tune. And of course now that I'm trying to write about it I can't remember the name of the hymn! But I do know it was one I sang in church a lot as a kid.
Here is what I wrote in my journal that afternoon:
"I was, and still am, struggling to feel connected to God today. When we sat on the mountain to pray, I couldn't think of anything. There were no praises, no requests - nothing. It made me feel guilty that I couldn't think of anything to pray about. There I was, on the mountain with beautiful scenery all around and the poverty of Gonaives, Bor Kanal, & Jubilee below and I couldn't think of a thing to say to God. Is that normal? Did I miss something with God today? Is this the depression that Jan warned us Satan would use against us? I didn't really feel depressed though, just guilty that I felt nothing.
"...I ended up praying in a group and I read aloud Colossians 3:5-17. That is what is going on in Haiti! Even the Christians have trouble letting go of Voodoo. They are still trapped by their old life when they should be throwing it off & putting on the new. Then we started praying that the doors of the churches in Haiti would be opened to all people & I couldn't stop crying. How can I go from feeling nothing one minute to crying the next?"
It's hard to explain what I was feeling. It wasn't that I was distant from God, I just didn't feel connected to Him. Kind of like a good friend that you don't see for days or weeks at a time. When you get together it's like you haven't missed a beat - but you've missed out on sharing those days and the experiences together. I guess that's kind of what I was feeling - though that doesn't quite capture it either.
We got back to Jan's around 9:30 and had some breakfast. Then it was off to the new house to paint - finally! Only... they gave Jan the wrong color (she asked for 6 cans of white - she got 2 and the other 4 were a yellow color). Since we were painting the ceiling we just used what white we had to get as far as we could and she ended up using the yellow in the bathroom. I've never painted with oil-based paint. Wow! Those are some strong fumes!!! We were laughing at some of the stupidest stuff while painting and I'm pretty sure the fumes had something to do with that. We ate lunch and then headed to Roboto (another slum of Goniaves) around 1:00.
The reason we went to Roboto was to help out at a feeding center. Jan isn't the only missionary in Gonaives. There is also a Pastor and his wife who run this particular feeding center every day. (They are from the Philippines). Jubilee looks a lot like Bor Kanal - only worse. The houses are about the same but there is just a lot more trash. I wondered if that was because some of the trash of Bor Kanal had been washed away by the hurricane in '08, but that's just a guess. We got to the feeding center which really was just a tin shack. It was rectangular and lined on the long sides with benches. On the far end of the shack was a table where they were preparing the food - rice with vegetables & broth. There were at least 60-70 kids there.
While they were waiting for food, one of the helpers was leading them in song. Our group stood in a line in the middle of the shack. As I stood, waiting to start passing out food I noticed a little girl (no more than 3 or 4 years old) in a red dress who was standing between another boys legs and was fast asleep. I remember thinking, "How can she sleep through all this noise?" because it was really loud in there. I hoped that they would at least try to wake her up to eat. A lot of the kids that come to the feeding center only get to eat at the feeding center. So, if she didn't eat there, she had no guarantee of another meal until the next day.
We started passing plates of food down our line to the kids. As I passed food, I noticed Anna sitting on the floor with this little girl trying to wake her up and get food in her mouth. The few times she got food in her mouth the little girl didn't respond. She just didn't have enough energy to even open her mouth. I told the person next to me, "I wonder how much of that is because she's tired and how much is because she's malnourished." A few minutes later I saw Anna sitting on one of the benches with this little girl on her lap trying to wake her up. Nothing. She was limp. But there were still other hungry kids so I kept passing food down the line. Then I saw one of the ladies who helped prepare the food go over and try to find a pulse on this little girl. I thought, "I'm watching this child die!" But there were still hungry kids, so I kept passing out food. Someone got a water bottle and Anna tried to get the girl to open her mouth to drink, and I kept passing out food. Other people were noticing now and watching to see what would happen or if they could help and I kept passing out food. As Anna continued trying to get water in her mouth I passed out food, but the people in line beside me were occupied with Anna and the little girl and had kind of gathered around. I just remember saying, "Guys, come on. There are still hungry kids!" I was trying to hold it together and the only thing I could do to do that was to help those that were still capable of eating.
Finally the little girl was roused enough to take a drink. As soon as she got that first drink she started chugging the water down like she hadn't had any in days. Then she realized some strange white women was holding her and she started to cry. One of the Haitian women who helped run the center took her and Anna left. I think she had had all she could handle. And I kept passing out food. And somehow I kept from crying.
Here's what I wrote in my journal that afternoon: "How do I process this? Why was I shown this? I don't believe it was an accident."
After leaving the feeding center Dan Burns drove us through Roboto. There was trash everywhere. They had a landfill of sorts - really it was just piles of trash. As we were driving by, there was a lady just squatting right between the piles doing her business. That kind of summed up what I felt like at the moment.
We headed back to Jan's house to do some more painting. I think everyone was kind of in their own little world trying to process what they had seen in Roboto (not everyone saw the little girl - but there was enough to sort through without that). I heard 2-3 people mention that they thought we hadn't been praying like we should. It made me wonder if that was why we were having so much frustration getting the right paint and with miscalculations in money, etc.
That night we had dinner at the Filipino missionaries house. His wife is a wonderful cook. It was hard to eat such good food - and as much as we wanted - without thinking of that little girl. We heard their story about what brought them to Haiti. They've been in Haiti about 15 years. During that time they have survived 2 hurricanes. During the first one, his wife was nine months pregnant and ended up delivering the baby that very night - after climbing over a ladder suspended between buildings to get to higher ground. They named the baby Divine Grace, or DG for short. She's a very sweet little girl.
Every night we had what Jan called Circle of Hope. It was a time to share testimonies and just encourage each other and talk about what we had seen. Usually I'm the first person to speak up in situations like this, but I just hadn't felt like talking the past three nights. Yeah, I know, by the length of my e-mails that's hard to believe that I wasn't dominating the discussions. But that night, I told the group how I was struggling to feel connected to God and that I was sensing that maybe it was because I hadn't been reading my Bible on a daily basis. I also talked about how I was starting to see things as spiritual warfare that I would normally just attribute to human nature or emotions. I talked to Ron about this a bit later, but I told them how I had never been one to really believe it when people would say they were under "spiritual attack" but that I was starting to understand that those types of attacks really do happen. It's not just something that happened during Bible times, it's still happening - Satan is just more covert with us. But, for some reason, in Haiti it was clear that all the little things that were hindering our work (money issues, lumber issues, paint issues) were all things that Satan was throwing at us to try to keep us from doing God's work. I'm not saying every little thing was from him, but I am no longer naive enough to say that he has no part in it.
As I journaled that evening, God led me to a very important truth. Here's my journal entry:
"I think this disconnect has been because I haven't been spending time in the Word. Before the trip I was reading the Bible daily for an hour or more sometimes Since being here, I'm not sure I've opened my Bible. So here I am, on this Godly trip, doing Godly things, but not spending time with God's word!
Thank you Jesus! It just hit me! Matt 4:4 'Jesus answered, "For it is written, Man does not live on bread alone, but on every WORD that comes from the mouth of God."' Then John 1:1 "In the beginning was the WORD and the WORD was with God and the WORD was God." It took a little girl almost dying for that head knowledge to become heart knowledge."
God essentially had just told me that I was spiritually starving myself and I needed to STOP IT! I heard you Lord, loud and clear. If there is such a thing as a spiritual spanking on our blessed spiritual behinds - God gave me one at that moment.
Until tomorrow!
Naomi
Looking back: Haiti -Day 3 - Jan. 1st 2010
January 1st
Friday
I think this day was a day of typical missions frustration. We had hoped to buy paint to start painting the bedrooms of Jan's new house, but there were no stores open. January 1st is Haiti's Independence Day, so everything was shut down. Here's a little history lesson. In 1791 the Haitian slaves rebelled against their French slave owners and gained their independence. However, as the story goes, they were able to do so because they promised Satan their devotion if he would free them from the French. Now I don't want to get into a debate, I'm just relating what I was told. I know there are conflicting reports on if this is just fable or real. But here is what I challenge you to do with this information - meditate on it. Our own American history books are being rewritten to take God out of the equation. We were truly founded as one nation under God, but here 200+ years later many in our society are trying to hide or deny that fact. The same is true for Haiti. I wasn't there in 1791 so I don't know 100% what happened. What I do know is that I have never been in a darker more desolate place. I have never seen so much pain and uffering. I have never felt such overwhelming oppression as I did in Haiti. If Haiti isn't a nation under Satan's control, then it, at the very least, is a nation without God.
Here is where you need to search for more than the media tells you. Yes, there are a lot of "Christians" in Haiti, but there are also a lot of "Christians" that practice voodoo. While they were still slaves, they weren't allowed to practice voodoo, but were expected to take on the religion of their owners. In many cases, the slaves hid their voodoo practices by renaming their spirits with Catholic Saint names. As far as their owners knew, they were practicing Catholicism, but in reality they were still worshiping the dead. Those traditions have carried over into modern times. There are even reports of Priests who also practice voodoo.
So all of that is just to give you a better understanding of the environment we were in. Stephanie Ward (who was on the trip) has made the comment that it's hard to look at the pictures we took in Haiti to find one that really shows how things were. As she said, it's hard, because you don't feel it, you don't smell it, you just get a visual for what it is like. It smelled like bad exhaust, burning trash, and people. I really can't even begin to put into words what "it" feels like. It's one of those times where you truly had to be there to understand what the heck I'm talking about.
Okay, so since we had no paint and no hardware to start on some of the house projects we went to Bor Kanal to see the area where we would be having Kids Club on Monday. Bor Kanal is part of Gonaives and it is right on the coast. Hurricane Hannah did a lot of damage to Gonaives in 2008 (google it sometime - there are some amazing aerial photos of the flooded city). Bor Kanal looks like what I imagine parts of Port-au-Prince look like now. Houses there aren't really houses at all. Often the house was simply four sticks, roughly 4-5 inches in diameter, stuck into the ground with whatever they could find bound or just leaning against them. We got to see my adopted family's home. It was sticks with a blue tarp tied around it and a tarp for the roof. When I say tarp, I'm talking about the type you'd buy at Home Depot for helping tie down items in a truck bed. There was absolutely no ventilation, no windows, just a doorway. That was it. They did have the luxury of having a second room (again sticks w/tarps) in their house. I didn't enter the second room, but the first room was I'd say, 10'x10'. Their whole house could fit in my living room with room to spare. In this house lived the Mom & Dad, and five kids (the youngest was born just five days before we met him). There was also Grandma & Grandpa which I'm pretty sure lived there too, though I'm not 100% on that.
On our way to Bor Kanal, Judes and Lucson showed us their house. Theirs was made from cement. Again, it was a single room, roughly 10'x10'. Both men (who I'd guess are around 6' tall) slept on a twin mattress that was only 3" thick.
So, with only one room, the practical question is - where's the bathroom? There was a communal toilet. I didn't go look closely at it.... just didn't really feel the need to. But, from what I saw there was a cement structure with maybe three stalls. Not sure how it was plumbed or if it was more like an outhouse. I do remember seeing lots of trash piled around it (again - no city sanitation department). Honestly, I'm not sure how many people actually used the toilet and how many just went where they were.
As we walked along the coast line kids gathered around us. They LOVED having their picture taken with digital cameras. If they saw a camera in your hand they'd run up and say, "Photo! Photo!" And boy, could some of them pose! :) One of the first things I noticed where several kids with what I think were umbilical hernias. I asked Jan and she said it was very common. I have no idea what type of health risks that might pose, but I imagine it can't be pleasant. There was one boy who had one at least 3 inches in diameter and it stuck out a good inch or more. As we walked the kids followed us. I had one little guy named Jeffly that held my hand the whole time. If he let go and someone else took my hand, he'd go ahead and grab on too until the other kid got irritated and let go so Jeffly had me to himself again. Every day of Kids Club he made sure to come see me and say, "Hi Nah-omi!" I LOVE his smile. Our translators helped us tell all the kids that were following us that we would be having Kids Club next week so be sure to come. Nothing like advertising in Haiti. Just stick a group of white people in the slum and wait for the intended audience to follow them around to find out why they're there.
We stopped at the church so we could see where we'd be having Kids Club and then continued to the end of the shoreline. When we got there we all (kids included) got in a big circle and our faithful Jiffy (so nicknamed because he loves peanut butter) led the kids in some praise songs. I have to say this about Jiffy - God is using him in a mighty way. He was so quiet around us, but as soon as he was in front of those kids he'd get their attention and keep them focused on the lesson. I noticed the day before at kids club what an awesome translator he is. He didn't just translate, but he put excitement into it. I could have told the most exciting story, but if he translated it in monotone, it wouldn't have had the same impact on the kids. But he put everything he had into the story. And he's young! Nineteen I think.
We had another family over for dinner that night. It was Little Christopher's family. The girls that adopted them (Chelsea and Anna I think) had gotten his sisters baby dolls. The look on their faces when they opened their gifts was priceless. It would have been like if I had given my son every single toy he had ever wanted all at once. It had that much impact on them. A truly special moment.
Okay, I think that's all I have for today.
Until next time,
Naomi
Friday
I think this day was a day of typical missions frustration. We had hoped to buy paint to start painting the bedrooms of Jan's new house, but there were no stores open. January 1st is Haiti's Independence Day, so everything was shut down. Here's a little history lesson. In 1791 the Haitian slaves rebelled against their French slave owners and gained their independence. However, as the story goes, they were able to do so because they promised Satan their devotion if he would free them from the French. Now I don't want to get into a debate, I'm just relating what I was told. I know there are conflicting reports on if this is just fable or real. But here is what I challenge you to do with this information - meditate on it. Our own American history books are being rewritten to take God out of the equation. We were truly founded as one nation under God, but here 200+ years later many in our society are trying to hide or deny that fact. The same is true for Haiti. I wasn't there in 1791 so I don't know 100% what happened. What I do know is that I have never been in a darker more desolate place. I have never seen so much pain and uffering. I have never felt such overwhelming oppression as I did in Haiti. If Haiti isn't a nation under Satan's control, then it, at the very least, is a nation without God.
Here is where you need to search for more than the media tells you. Yes, there are a lot of "Christians" in Haiti, but there are also a lot of "Christians" that practice voodoo. While they were still slaves, they weren't allowed to practice voodoo, but were expected to take on the religion of their owners. In many cases, the slaves hid their voodoo practices by renaming their spirits with Catholic Saint names. As far as their owners knew, they were practicing Catholicism, but in reality they were still worshiping the dead. Those traditions have carried over into modern times. There are even reports of Priests who also practice voodoo.
So all of that is just to give you a better understanding of the environment we were in. Stephanie Ward (who was on the trip) has made the comment that it's hard to look at the pictures we took in Haiti to find one that really shows how things were. As she said, it's hard, because you don't feel it, you don't smell it, you just get a visual for what it is like. It smelled like bad exhaust, burning trash, and people. I really can't even begin to put into words what "it" feels like. It's one of those times where you truly had to be there to understand what the heck I'm talking about.
Okay, so since we had no paint and no hardware to start on some of the house projects we went to Bor Kanal to see the area where we would be having Kids Club on Monday. Bor Kanal is part of Gonaives and it is right on the coast. Hurricane Hannah did a lot of damage to Gonaives in 2008 (google it sometime - there are some amazing aerial photos of the flooded city). Bor Kanal looks like what I imagine parts of Port-au-Prince look like now. Houses there aren't really houses at all. Often the house was simply four sticks, roughly 4-5 inches in diameter, stuck into the ground with whatever they could find bound or just leaning against them. We got to see my adopted family's home. It was sticks with a blue tarp tied around it and a tarp for the roof. When I say tarp, I'm talking about the type you'd buy at Home Depot for helping tie down items in a truck bed. There was absolutely no ventilation, no windows, just a doorway. That was it. They did have the luxury of having a second room (again sticks w/tarps) in their house. I didn't enter the second room, but the first room was I'd say, 10'x10'. Their whole house could fit in my living room with room to spare. In this house lived the Mom & Dad, and five kids (the youngest was born just five days before we met him). There was also Grandma & Grandpa which I'm pretty sure lived there too, though I'm not 100% on that.
On our way to Bor Kanal, Judes and Lucson showed us their house. Theirs was made from cement. Again, it was a single room, roughly 10'x10'. Both men (who I'd guess are around 6' tall) slept on a twin mattress that was only 3" thick.
So, with only one room, the practical question is - where's the bathroom? There was a communal toilet. I didn't go look closely at it.... just didn't really feel the need to. But, from what I saw there was a cement structure with maybe three stalls. Not sure how it was plumbed or if it was more like an outhouse. I do remember seeing lots of trash piled around it (again - no city sanitation department). Honestly, I'm not sure how many people actually used the toilet and how many just went where they were.
As we walked along the coast line kids gathered around us. They LOVED having their picture taken with digital cameras. If they saw a camera in your hand they'd run up and say, "Photo! Photo!" And boy, could some of them pose! :) One of the first things I noticed where several kids with what I think were umbilical hernias. I asked Jan and she said it was very common. I have no idea what type of health risks that might pose, but I imagine it can't be pleasant. There was one boy who had one at least 3 inches in diameter and it stuck out a good inch or more. As we walked the kids followed us. I had one little guy named Jeffly that held my hand the whole time. If he let go and someone else took my hand, he'd go ahead and grab on too until the other kid got irritated and let go so Jeffly had me to himself again. Every day of Kids Club he made sure to come see me and say, "Hi Nah-omi!" I LOVE his smile. Our translators helped us tell all the kids that were following us that we would be having Kids Club next week so be sure to come. Nothing like advertising in Haiti. Just stick a group of white people in the slum and wait for the intended audience to follow them around to find out why they're there.
We stopped at the church so we could see where we'd be having Kids Club and then continued to the end of the shoreline. When we got there we all (kids included) got in a big circle and our faithful Jiffy (so nicknamed because he loves peanut butter) led the kids in some praise songs. I have to say this about Jiffy - God is using him in a mighty way. He was so quiet around us, but as soon as he was in front of those kids he'd get their attention and keep them focused on the lesson. I noticed the day before at kids club what an awesome translator he is. He didn't just translate, but he put excitement into it. I could have told the most exciting story, but if he translated it in monotone, it wouldn't have had the same impact on the kids. But he put everything he had into the story. And he's young! Nineteen I think.
We had another family over for dinner that night. It was Little Christopher's family. The girls that adopted them (Chelsea and Anna I think) had gotten his sisters baby dolls. The look on their faces when they opened their gifts was priceless. It would have been like if I had given my son every single toy he had ever wanted all at once. It had that much impact on them. A truly special moment.
Okay, I think that's all I have for today.
Until next time,
Naomi
Looking back: Haiti -Day 2 - Dec. 31st 2009
12/31/09
Thursday - New Year's Eve
Sunrise is early in Haiti - at least it was while we were there. I think it was up around 5:30-5:45 - I was awake by 6:30 even though we didn't get to bed until around midnight and had been up since 4am the previous day. Everyone was just kind of naturally up by then.
Before heading out for the day, Jan warned us that we are now out of the comfort of America and right in the middle of a spiritual battle field. Many in Haiti practice voodoo which in a nutshell is the worship of the dead (and who is the father of death? - the devil). She warned us that he (the devil) would be hitting us hard because he wasn't happy with what we're doing. Back home it is so easy to get comfortable, to not see things for what they truly are. Hollywood has trained us that good and evil are just shades of grey and that voodoo is just a silly religion - just as silly as Christianity if we believe Hollywood. But let me tell you, the spiritual realm is real. Even someone like me who has been a Christian all my life has trouble seeing the truth because we've been blinded by our society. But in Haiti, oh boy, in Haiti I saw it so clearly. I'm not saying I saw ghosts and demons. But I am saying that there was an oppression just hanging in the air. During the first day there, people were getting annoyed with each other, irritated, etc. over very little things. I'm telling you that it wasn't simply because we were tired. Satan was ticked off that a group of Christians was there to do God's work and he was playing every little mind game he could to divide us.
If this sounds nuts, I get it, I understand that. Like I said, it took me going to Haiti to see the spiritual battle field a little more clearly. Ignorance is bliss, but if ignorance does nothing but make you ineffective for the kingdom, wouldn't you rather know a little bit more about what is going on? I believe this is what Satan has done in America. He's helped us to believe that the spiritual stuff is all nonsense, that it's entertainment (palm reading anyone?), but I'm here to tell you that he has blinded you to what's going on around you. By thinking that it's not real, you don't combat it. You float through life luke-warm (Hmmmm... I think there's something about that in Revelation...)
Sorry, I didn't mean to preach, I just started typing and that's what came out. As much as I realize it might make me look like a nut, I'm going to leave it there. I'd much rather be an effective nut than an ineffective "sane" person. :)
So, anyway, this day was a cleaning day at Jan's new house. They got the keys to it on the 30th (they were supposed to have access to the house long before that, but, well, things work differently in Haiti). The ladies worked on cleaning while the men figured out the plan of attack for the improvements the house needed. We worked on cleaning up the trash pile in the backyard as well as cleaning out the three bedrooms. One thing that we take for granted as Americans is our sanitation departments. There is no trash pickup in Haiti. You burn what you can and dump the rest where ever you find a place. The countryside is dotted with piles of broken glass and rusted tin cans. Jan's backyard was no different. We raked through what had been the previous owners trash pile and pulled out all the glass and rusted metal we could find, then we burned the rest. Matt used a machete to trim the trees. Way more fun than a chainsaw if you ask me.
During lunch I found out that there would be Kids Club at Jan's house that afternoon. It just kind of naturally fell to me to come up with the story/lesson. No pressure! So while everyone ate I frantically tried to figure out what a good lesson would be. I didn't know it at the time, but God used this as a confidence booster for teaching Kids Club in Bor Kanal.
After lunch we headed back to the house to get some more cleaning done. We eventually got the bedrooms ready for painting which we had hoped to start that day, but God had a different schedule in mind apparently! 8^)
At 3:45 me and a few others came back to Jan's current house for Kids Club.
Our translator (who works with Jan on a regular basis during Kids Club and the Women's Bible Study) led the music and got the kids excited. Then I narrated the story while Jacob portrayed Samson and the other people there portrayed his enemies. They all had fun acting it out, though I think some of the "enemies" may have been a little too excited at getting to beat up Samson (could it be that his older sisters were some of the enemies?).
Anyway, the kids loved it. Their memory verse for the lesson was Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." We talked about how Samson thought his hair had given him strength, but really his strength came from the Lord. Then we talked about how Samson prayed one last time for strength to overcome his enemies and since he relied on God for his strength his prayer was answered and Samson and his enemies learned that true power comes from God. As I look back now I wonder if this verse has stuck with these kids as they deal with the effects of the earthquake.
The best part of Kids Club was teaching them the song I learned through teaching at the preschool. It's "Jesus' Love is Bubbling Over." Jiffy translated it and we taught it to the kids in Creole. At the end of the song you do a kind of jazz hands thing and they thought it was hilarious watching the white people act goofy... which gave them more freedom to act goofy. It was a fun time.
That evening we had our first "adoptive" family over for dinner. It was the brothers Judes and Lucson (adopted by team members Steve & Ron). In 2008, they lost their mom and aunt in Hurricane Hannah along with everything they owned (they are both in their early twenties if I remember correctly).
Judes used to have a guitar which was also lost in the hurricane. So, Steve and Ron brought him a new one from America. The look on his face was just... hard to describe. Before knowing that he was going to receive a guitar he told us how he used to use his guitar to praise God. And how, even though it was lost, he was still able to use his voice to sing praises. After receiving the guitar he helped lead us in at least an hour of singing. It was just an awesome time. We sang in English and learned some in Creole. I even have a short video of Ron learning to sing "Jesus Loves Me" in Creole. The whole team signed the guitar so they would remember our names. Judes told us that though he wanted to do something for us in return, all he could do was pray for us. I can't quite explain how much it means to know that he's praying for me. There is a connection there that can only come from being in the family of Christ. It is more powerful than any blood-bond, because our being a part of the family of Christ means we'll be together for eternity. No matter where our life takes us, I know that I will one day see them again in Heaven.
They shared with us how they became Christians. I wish I had written all those details down. I do remember Lucson saying that when he decided to go to church all he had to wear was his school uniform. So he went, in his uniform, and sat on the back row so no one could see him and make fun of him. He said though, that once he became a Christian, he made sure to sit in the front - no matter his clothes. It makes me wonder how many people are sitting in the back of our church because they don't want to be seen. Maybe I should start sitting in the back so I can get to know them and help them feel welcome. Just a thought.
I was in bed before midnight, but that didn't stop me from hearing the revelry from outside. Haitians celebrate the new year too, with LOUD music and shouts and who knows what else. Too bad for the men who were sleeping on the roof. I don't think they slept that well that night. :)
Until the next installment,
Naomi
Thursday - New Year's Eve
Sunrise is early in Haiti - at least it was while we were there. I think it was up around 5:30-5:45 - I was awake by 6:30 even though we didn't get to bed until around midnight and had been up since 4am the previous day. Everyone was just kind of naturally up by then.
Before heading out for the day, Jan warned us that we are now out of the comfort of America and right in the middle of a spiritual battle field. Many in Haiti practice voodoo which in a nutshell is the worship of the dead (and who is the father of death? - the devil). She warned us that he (the devil) would be hitting us hard because he wasn't happy with what we're doing. Back home it is so easy to get comfortable, to not see things for what they truly are. Hollywood has trained us that good and evil are just shades of grey and that voodoo is just a silly religion - just as silly as Christianity if we believe Hollywood. But let me tell you, the spiritual realm is real. Even someone like me who has been a Christian all my life has trouble seeing the truth because we've been blinded by our society. But in Haiti, oh boy, in Haiti I saw it so clearly. I'm not saying I saw ghosts and demons. But I am saying that there was an oppression just hanging in the air. During the first day there, people were getting annoyed with each other, irritated, etc. over very little things. I'm telling you that it wasn't simply because we were tired. Satan was ticked off that a group of Christians was there to do God's work and he was playing every little mind game he could to divide us.
If this sounds nuts, I get it, I understand that. Like I said, it took me going to Haiti to see the spiritual battle field a little more clearly. Ignorance is bliss, but if ignorance does nothing but make you ineffective for the kingdom, wouldn't you rather know a little bit more about what is going on? I believe this is what Satan has done in America. He's helped us to believe that the spiritual stuff is all nonsense, that it's entertainment (palm reading anyone?), but I'm here to tell you that he has blinded you to what's going on around you. By thinking that it's not real, you don't combat it. You float through life luke-warm (Hmmmm... I think there's something about that in Revelation...)
Sorry, I didn't mean to preach, I just started typing and that's what came out. As much as I realize it might make me look like a nut, I'm going to leave it there. I'd much rather be an effective nut than an ineffective "sane" person. :)
So, anyway, this day was a cleaning day at Jan's new house. They got the keys to it on the 30th (they were supposed to have access to the house long before that, but, well, things work differently in Haiti). The ladies worked on cleaning while the men figured out the plan of attack for the improvements the house needed. We worked on cleaning up the trash pile in the backyard as well as cleaning out the three bedrooms. One thing that we take for granted as Americans is our sanitation departments. There is no trash pickup in Haiti. You burn what you can and dump the rest where ever you find a place. The countryside is dotted with piles of broken glass and rusted tin cans. Jan's backyard was no different. We raked through what had been the previous owners trash pile and pulled out all the glass and rusted metal we could find, then we burned the rest. Matt used a machete to trim the trees. Way more fun than a chainsaw if you ask me.
During lunch I found out that there would be Kids Club at Jan's house that afternoon. It just kind of naturally fell to me to come up with the story/lesson. No pressure! So while everyone ate I frantically tried to figure out what a good lesson would be. I didn't know it at the time, but God used this as a confidence booster for teaching Kids Club in Bor Kanal.
After lunch we headed back to the house to get some more cleaning done. We eventually got the bedrooms ready for painting which we had hoped to start that day, but God had a different schedule in mind apparently! 8^)
At 3:45 me and a few others came back to Jan's current house for Kids Club.
Our translator (who works with Jan on a regular basis during Kids Club and the Women's Bible Study) led the music and got the kids excited. Then I narrated the story while Jacob portrayed Samson and the other people there portrayed his enemies. They all had fun acting it out, though I think some of the "enemies" may have been a little too excited at getting to beat up Samson (could it be that his older sisters were some of the enemies?).
Anyway, the kids loved it. Their memory verse for the lesson was Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." We talked about how Samson thought his hair had given him strength, but really his strength came from the Lord. Then we talked about how Samson prayed one last time for strength to overcome his enemies and since he relied on God for his strength his prayer was answered and Samson and his enemies learned that true power comes from God. As I look back now I wonder if this verse has stuck with these kids as they deal with the effects of the earthquake.
The best part of Kids Club was teaching them the song I learned through teaching at the preschool. It's "Jesus' Love is Bubbling Over." Jiffy translated it and we taught it to the kids in Creole. At the end of the song you do a kind of jazz hands thing and they thought it was hilarious watching the white people act goofy... which gave them more freedom to act goofy. It was a fun time.
That evening we had our first "adoptive" family over for dinner. It was the brothers Judes and Lucson (adopted by team members Steve & Ron). In 2008, they lost their mom and aunt in Hurricane Hannah along with everything they owned (they are both in their early twenties if I remember correctly).
Judes used to have a guitar which was also lost in the hurricane. So, Steve and Ron brought him a new one from America. The look on his face was just... hard to describe. Before knowing that he was going to receive a guitar he told us how he used to use his guitar to praise God. And how, even though it was lost, he was still able to use his voice to sing praises. After receiving the guitar he helped lead us in at least an hour of singing. It was just an awesome time. We sang in English and learned some in Creole. I even have a short video of Ron learning to sing "Jesus Loves Me" in Creole. The whole team signed the guitar so they would remember our names. Judes told us that though he wanted to do something for us in return, all he could do was pray for us. I can't quite explain how much it means to know that he's praying for me. There is a connection there that can only come from being in the family of Christ. It is more powerful than any blood-bond, because our being a part of the family of Christ means we'll be together for eternity. No matter where our life takes us, I know that I will one day see them again in Heaven.
They shared with us how they became Christians. I wish I had written all those details down. I do remember Lucson saying that when he decided to go to church all he had to wear was his school uniform. So he went, in his uniform, and sat on the back row so no one could see him and make fun of him. He said though, that once he became a Christian, he made sure to sit in the front - no matter his clothes. It makes me wonder how many people are sitting in the back of our church because they don't want to be seen. Maybe I should start sitting in the back so I can get to know them and help them feel welcome. Just a thought.
I was in bed before midnight, but that didn't stop me from hearing the revelry from outside. Haitians celebrate the new year too, with LOUD music and shouts and who knows what else. Too bad for the men who were sleeping on the roof. I don't think they slept that well that night. :)
Until the next installment,
Naomi
Looking back: Haiti -Day 1 - Dec. 30th 2009
I'll admit, this post is more for me than for sharing information or insights with anyone else. My trip to Haiti had a huge impact on my life - where I wanted it to go, where I hoped God would lead, things I needed to change, etc. It was exactly a year ago that I was in Haiti (Dec. 30th 2009 - Jan 7th 2010). So many things happened. Some things that are easily forgotten, some things I couldn't wipe from my memory if I tried.
About a month after our return, I sat down with the intent of given a report of sorts to those that had supported me emotionally and financially on my trip. I had tried to give a brief overview, but found it was impossible to contain the content of those 9 days into just a few paragraphs. What came instead was a series of e-mails, one for each day I was gone, that were a reflection on an amazing time in my life.
I'm so grateful for those e-mails. They helped me get into writing thoughts and experiences that I would have forgotten otherwise. They also allowed me to be a witness for the work being done in Haiti.
So, as I reflect on the changes 2010 has brought and the path God has laid out for 2011, here are the original e-mails - to remind me of the calling God has given me - and to be a witness to you that God is alive and well in Haiti.
Thursday, February 04, 2010 2:24 PM
Subject: Long Overdue Haiti report
I intended to get this out a while ago, but honestly, there were just so many emotions and thoughts that I needed to process before I could even begin to write to tell you about the trip. And then five days after we returned (we got back on January 7th) the earthquake struck Haiti which brought about so many other things in my mind. In a way, I think I was dealing with survivors guilt. There were a couple of weeks where I was really struggling with depression. It’s one thing to come down off a “spiritual high,” it’s another to be doing that at the same time knowing that thousands of people you have a vested interest in are now homeless, orphaned, maimed, or dead. It was simply overwhelming. The good news is that Jan (the missionary we stayed with) lives in Gonaives and was not directly affected by the earthquake. Although they felt it (and all the aftershocks) no one was hurt, their house is undamaged, and by the grace of God they were able to stock pile food and fuel in the few days following the earthquake. So, they are okay. Though, some criminals that escaped when the prison in Port-au-Prince collapsed have returned to Gonaives. The risk these criminals pose has prevented Jan from doing some of her ministry work as it is simply too dangerous to be working in the Bor Kanal slum. Food has started trickling back into their market, though some of what they need has always come through Port-au-Prince. But we praise God that they are safe.
So, that’s a short recap of Haiti and Jan’s family since I’ve been back, but here is a condensed version of what happened while I was in Haiti. I don’t have the time to give all the details, and I’m not sure your e-mail servers could handle it anyway!
Don’t hesitate to ask if there is something you have a question about or if you want to hear more about a particular event. Just be warned, I may talk for hours!
Our flight was supposed to leave Wichita around 6:30am. Unfortunately we were about 30-45 minutes late departing due to waiting for the plane to be de-iced. So, after running through the Dallas airport and getting to our terminal as they were announcing “Final boarding call” we made our connection and were off to Miami. Then after just enough time for a really expensive airport sandwich we were on our way to Haiti. Sitting in the plane to Haiti I realized that this was the first time I had ever been a minority – racially at least. It was a little uncomfortable.
Once we got our bags from baggage claim it was time to head out into Haiti civilization. Wow! Culture shock. Immediately in front of the exit was a loading/unloading zone. On the other side of this was a metal fence about waist high. People were standing there yelling at the people coming out. I’m sure some of them were yelling at family members who had just deplaned, but I’m also pretty sure some of them were yelling things at the white people.
*side note* One thing I noticed about almost everyone in Haiti is they look mad all the time. I pondered this a lot while there and I think I figured out why. In America, most people usually look happy or content all the time. But there are those few that look ticked all the time. Often those are the people that have had the hardest life. That describes everyone in Haiti. With an average yearly income of about $350, they often don’t know when they’ll get to eat again, let alone when they’ll be able to feed or cloth their children. There is no government assistance, no food stamps, no… well… there’s just nothing. No wonder they always look mad. But when you could get them to smile they had the most beautiful smiles! And the kids, they smiled all the time. Life hasn’t had time to hit them hard enough to kill their innocence. How I loved the smiles of the kids!
Okay, back to the airport narrative. We had been told before hand not to let anyone help us with our baggage carts (we had brought lots of extra clothes, tools, toiletries, etc.). Immediately upon stepping on the sidewalk someone tried to take my cart from me. “No, no,” I said, “Pah to shay!” (creole for don’t touch – not sure on my spelling though). But within a few feet there was someone else trying to “help” (and then demand money when they were done helping). I’m horrible at judging distances, but I would guess it was about 50 yards from the airport door to the parking lot. I cannot tell you how relieved I was to see Jan standing by her truck. As I approached her she said, “You must be Naomi.” I just nodded and started crying. I think the culture shock just hit me at that moment.
After a quick tailgate lunch we got on the road to Gonaives. We expected it to be about a five hour drive (via road it’s about 100 miles northeast of Port-au-Prince). To our surprise some of the roads had been improved so the trip didn’t take that long. However, it wasn’t without event. After roughly 1- 1 ½ hours on the road the rental car I was in started to overheat (we were in a caravan of two rental vehicles and two trucks). It was about 8:00(?) at night so it was dark. Keep in mind this is Haiti so there aren’t street lights, or at least very few. Nothing like being in the middle of nowhere with a dying car, no knowledge of the language (except “don’t touch” and “thank-you”), and no Autozone or repair shop nearby! But this was the first vivid instance for me of how in control God was of our whole trip. In all honesty, if I were back in America and this had happened I would have been freaking out. But I felt God’s presence so fully that it was a very cool experience. It’s hard to put into words. Ron and Dan B. were dealing with the car (turns out is had no radiator cap!) me, Maegan, Ashley, and Matt just sat in the car and started praying. Then we girls just started singing. We sang every praise song we could think of, including one I learned from working in the preschool (which ended up being used in VBS in Bor Kanal – but that’s a later story). As we sang I just felt so much joy. We also drew a crowd of about 4-5 kids that were just grinning from ear to ear at us. They spoke a little English, but not enough for us to truly communicate with them. Have you ever been in a situation where people were smiling and laughing and you just knew they weren’t laughing at you, they were just soaking up the joy that was emanating from you? Not really sure I’ve ever felt that here, not in the same way at least. But these kids, their smiles (I told you about the smiles), it was genuine. As we sang and looked goofy and made fools of ourselves, these kids were having a blast right along with us.
A truck with three men stopped to see what was going on. Immediately my thought was, “Are they going to rob us?” but God immediately took that thought captive and just reassured me that he was in control. A little while later this truck of men returned with a radiator cap for us. Remember I said there was no Autozone nearby,so where they got a radiator cap at that time of night, I have no idea. But I felt so blessed that they helped us. I had anticipated such animosity that it was almost as if God was using that truck full of scary looking men (remember everyone in Haiti scowls) to show me that there is hope for those in Haiti.
Once the engine cooled down we got back on the road. Within five or ten minutes the engine was overheating again. And what did we girls continue to do? We sang the entire way to Goniaves. Amazingly, God made that car last another 2 ½ -3 hours to the outskirts of Gonaives. (Interesting fact: the car finally died right about the same time we stopped singing…. Hmmm…) So, with about fifteen minutes left in our trip, me Maegan & Ashley piled into Jan’s vehicle with the other women while the men stayed with the vehicle on the side of the road which eventually was towed that night to Jan’s house. We had such a blast traveling that last little bit Haitian style. Keep in mind that although this vehicle had two seats in front a middle row and 4 seats in the back/storage area, the entire back was filled to overflowing with luggage. So we fit all 10 women in the space meant for 5. (3 in the front – sorry Stephanie that you got stuck on the gear shifter and 7 in the middle seat.) And the laughs we got from the other people on the road just made us laugh that much harder!
In my journal that night I wrote that one of my blessings was knowing that, “we are in His hands and He was, is, and always will be in control.” I’ve found that since being back, sometimes I have to remind myself that that is just as true here as it was in Haiti. I just have to let go of it (whatever it may be) first.
Well, my kids are running crazy through the house so I think what I may do is just send this now as it is. I promise to send the rest of the update later, though it may be in daily installments. Especially since day 1 was one of the least eventful days and you see how much I was able to say about it I look forward to telling you more, I hope you look forward to hearing about it!
Naomi
About a month after our return, I sat down with the intent of given a report of sorts to those that had supported me emotionally and financially on my trip. I had tried to give a brief overview, but found it was impossible to contain the content of those 9 days into just a few paragraphs. What came instead was a series of e-mails, one for each day I was gone, that were a reflection on an amazing time in my life.
I'm so grateful for those e-mails. They helped me get into writing thoughts and experiences that I would have forgotten otherwise. They also allowed me to be a witness for the work being done in Haiti.
So, as I reflect on the changes 2010 has brought and the path God has laid out for 2011, here are the original e-mails - to remind me of the calling God has given me - and to be a witness to you that God is alive and well in Haiti.
Thursday, February 04, 2010 2:24 PM
Subject: Long Overdue Haiti report
I intended to get this out a while ago, but honestly, there were just so many emotions and thoughts that I needed to process before I could even begin to write to tell you about the trip. And then five days after we returned (we got back on January 7th) the earthquake struck Haiti which brought about so many other things in my mind. In a way, I think I was dealing with survivors guilt. There were a couple of weeks where I was really struggling with depression. It’s one thing to come down off a “spiritual high,” it’s another to be doing that at the same time knowing that thousands of people you have a vested interest in are now homeless, orphaned, maimed, or dead. It was simply overwhelming. The good news is that Jan (the missionary we stayed with) lives in Gonaives and was not directly affected by the earthquake. Although they felt it (and all the aftershocks) no one was hurt, their house is undamaged, and by the grace of God they were able to stock pile food and fuel in the few days following the earthquake. So, they are okay. Though, some criminals that escaped when the prison in Port-au-Prince collapsed have returned to Gonaives. The risk these criminals pose has prevented Jan from doing some of her ministry work as it is simply too dangerous to be working in the Bor Kanal slum. Food has started trickling back into their market, though some of what they need has always come through Port-au-Prince. But we praise God that they are safe.
So, that’s a short recap of Haiti and Jan’s family since I’ve been back, but here is a condensed version of what happened while I was in Haiti. I don’t have the time to give all the details, and I’m not sure your e-mail servers could handle it anyway!
Don’t hesitate to ask if there is something you have a question about or if you want to hear more about a particular event. Just be warned, I may talk for hours!
Our flight was supposed to leave Wichita around 6:30am. Unfortunately we were about 30-45 minutes late departing due to waiting for the plane to be de-iced. So, after running through the Dallas airport and getting to our terminal as they were announcing “Final boarding call” we made our connection and were off to Miami. Then after just enough time for a really expensive airport sandwich we were on our way to Haiti. Sitting in the plane to Haiti I realized that this was the first time I had ever been a minority – racially at least. It was a little uncomfortable.
Once we got our bags from baggage claim it was time to head out into Haiti civilization. Wow! Culture shock. Immediately in front of the exit was a loading/unloading zone. On the other side of this was a metal fence about waist high. People were standing there yelling at the people coming out. I’m sure some of them were yelling at family members who had just deplaned, but I’m also pretty sure some of them were yelling things at the white people.
*side note* One thing I noticed about almost everyone in Haiti is they look mad all the time. I pondered this a lot while there and I think I figured out why. In America, most people usually look happy or content all the time. But there are those few that look ticked all the time. Often those are the people that have had the hardest life. That describes everyone in Haiti. With an average yearly income of about $350, they often don’t know when they’ll get to eat again, let alone when they’ll be able to feed or cloth their children. There is no government assistance, no food stamps, no… well… there’s just nothing. No wonder they always look mad. But when you could get them to smile they had the most beautiful smiles! And the kids, they smiled all the time. Life hasn’t had time to hit them hard enough to kill their innocence. How I loved the smiles of the kids!
Okay, back to the airport narrative. We had been told before hand not to let anyone help us with our baggage carts (we had brought lots of extra clothes, tools, toiletries, etc.). Immediately upon stepping on the sidewalk someone tried to take my cart from me. “No, no,” I said, “Pah to shay!” (creole for don’t touch – not sure on my spelling though). But within a few feet there was someone else trying to “help” (and then demand money when they were done helping). I’m horrible at judging distances, but I would guess it was about 50 yards from the airport door to the parking lot. I cannot tell you how relieved I was to see Jan standing by her truck. As I approached her she said, “You must be Naomi.” I just nodded and started crying. I think the culture shock just hit me at that moment.
After a quick tailgate lunch we got on the road to Gonaives. We expected it to be about a five hour drive (via road it’s about 100 miles northeast of Port-au-Prince). To our surprise some of the roads had been improved so the trip didn’t take that long. However, it wasn’t without event. After roughly 1- 1 ½ hours on the road the rental car I was in started to overheat (we were in a caravan of two rental vehicles and two trucks). It was about 8:00(?) at night so it was dark. Keep in mind this is Haiti so there aren’t street lights, or at least very few. Nothing like being in the middle of nowhere with a dying car, no knowledge of the language (except “don’t touch” and “thank-you”), and no Autozone or repair shop nearby! But this was the first vivid instance for me of how in control God was of our whole trip. In all honesty, if I were back in America and this had happened I would have been freaking out. But I felt God’s presence so fully that it was a very cool experience. It’s hard to put into words. Ron and Dan B. were dealing with the car (turns out is had no radiator cap!) me, Maegan, Ashley, and Matt just sat in the car and started praying. Then we girls just started singing. We sang every praise song we could think of, including one I learned from working in the preschool (which ended up being used in VBS in Bor Kanal – but that’s a later story). As we sang I just felt so much joy. We also drew a crowd of about 4-5 kids that were just grinning from ear to ear at us. They spoke a little English, but not enough for us to truly communicate with them. Have you ever been in a situation where people were smiling and laughing and you just knew they weren’t laughing at you, they were just soaking up the joy that was emanating from you? Not really sure I’ve ever felt that here, not in the same way at least. But these kids, their smiles (I told you about the smiles), it was genuine. As we sang and looked goofy and made fools of ourselves, these kids were having a blast right along with us.
A truck with three men stopped to see what was going on. Immediately my thought was, “Are they going to rob us?” but God immediately took that thought captive and just reassured me that he was in control. A little while later this truck of men returned with a radiator cap for us. Remember I said there was no Autozone nearby,so where they got a radiator cap at that time of night, I have no idea. But I felt so blessed that they helped us. I had anticipated such animosity that it was almost as if God was using that truck full of scary looking men (remember everyone in Haiti scowls) to show me that there is hope for those in Haiti.
Once the engine cooled down we got back on the road. Within five or ten minutes the engine was overheating again. And what did we girls continue to do? We sang the entire way to Goniaves. Amazingly, God made that car last another 2 ½ -3 hours to the outskirts of Gonaives. (Interesting fact: the car finally died right about the same time we stopped singing…. Hmmm…) So, with about fifteen minutes left in our trip, me Maegan & Ashley piled into Jan’s vehicle with the other women while the men stayed with the vehicle on the side of the road which eventually was towed that night to Jan’s house. We had such a blast traveling that last little bit Haitian style. Keep in mind that although this vehicle had two seats in front a middle row and 4 seats in the back/storage area, the entire back was filled to overflowing with luggage. So we fit all 10 women in the space meant for 5. (3 in the front – sorry Stephanie that you got stuck on the gear shifter and 7 in the middle seat.) And the laughs we got from the other people on the road just made us laugh that much harder!
In my journal that night I wrote that one of my blessings was knowing that, “we are in His hands and He was, is, and always will be in control.” I’ve found that since being back, sometimes I have to remind myself that that is just as true here as it was in Haiti. I just have to let go of it (whatever it may be) first.
Well, my kids are running crazy through the house so I think what I may do is just send this now as it is. I promise to send the rest of the update later, though it may be in daily installments. Especially since day 1 was one of the least eventful days and you see how much I was able to say about it I look forward to telling you more, I hope you look forward to hearing about it!
Naomi
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)